I hardly ever write about my husband which is a shame because he is such a personality. First off, he’s wickedly funny and a smooth talker, he could indeed sell ice to Eskimos. But more importantly, he’s a liar. Yeah, I said it. He’s a tall tale teller, a fibber. And he’s amazing at it. He’ll craft a story and have you believing it so fast, it’s truly his superpower. He’s recently informed me that he told me a tall tale to me ages ago and I not only believed it but have repeated it to others as the God’s honest truth and now he is afraid to tell me which lie I’m telling. Surely Sister Mary Catherine who gave me a scar with a ruler for passing a note in the 7th grade cannot hold it against me that I am telling a lie if I believe it’s the truth, right? I’m wracking my brain to figure out which one it is…
At least I’ve deduced that the following was a lie. It only took me 20 minutes, but the truth prevailed!
About three years ago I was driving home from an audition, listening to NPR and they had a segment on about how scientists had actually made a Liger. I love the big cats so this was super exciting to me.
I ran in the house and it went a little something like this:
I was just listening to this show on NPR and Zach! They made a Liger, like in Napoleon Dynamite! And they made a Tigon too where the Tiger is the dominant gene, isn’t that cool?
They made a Cowig.
A cowig. Cow Pig. Cowig.
No way. That’s amazing.
Yeah, that’s where they’re getting bacon from now.
You’re kidding me!
No, cause it’s big like a cow but meaty like a pig.
What does it look like?
Like a pig but with cow coloring.
This goes on and on for about 20 minutes. He has an answer for each and every question I have and I must reiterate that I had JUST heard a show, on NPR no less, talking about the blending of species just like this…otherwise I never would have believed it. (Honest! Do you believe me?) Finally I asked such a me question:
What noise does it make?
You fucking liar!! I can’t believe you got me so bad!
And that’s what life is like with my husband. Just the other day he tried to get us to believe that the Aztecs nursed their whole lives. And all because we had been talking about nursing and their happened to be a Pontiac Aztec driving on the Beltway right in front of us. That one didn’t fly and my sister in law and I just said ‘nice try!’ He smiled and said ‘ they can’t all be cowigs.’
He is under strict orders to never, never do this to Baby Max.