So disappointed in myself.

Today is the National Equality March here in D.C. and I am not there.
I am not there.
I am so disappointed in myself that I actually feel ill. I had every intention of going but …well, you know. As Brigham Young once said “Good intentions and crying babies should be carried out.”
I sure as hell didn’t carry mine out. Here’s the thing, and it’s not an excuse it’s just what it is. I’m sort of shy. Right, I can hear you laughing. But it’s true. Not in a blend in with the wallpaper way, but more in a talks-to-loud-and-accidentally-says-something-stupid way. I am NO good in a social situation if I don’t know people. I’m all awkward and say the wrong thing. I can get up on stage in front of a thousand people and perform a monologue no problem. But walk up to a large group and march with them? Well, it gives me hives. If I know just one person or two I am MUCH better, but knowing no one? Yikes. I’m a bit of a train wreck.
Max woke up late (awesome! more sleep!) and blah blah blah. Suddenly I looked down and the march was already started. I am so disappointed in myself that I didn’t gather up my crinolines and get my booty down to the starting point and march on Washington! How often do you get to march on Washington for something that you truly believe in?
From the moment I learned of the rally I had visions of Max and I marching to the White House, showing our support for the rights of our fellow citizens. But in the end? I am just a big fat chicken.

I take comfort that there are (est.) ten times more people in attendance than were in DC for the Tea Party, but still…there should be two more. One tiny and sweet, and one pushing the tiny sweet one in his stroller.
Both of us with our faces painted proudly:

It’s no excuse, but there it is. Mea Culpa. And well done to all who marched. I’m sorry.

6 thoughts on “So disappointed in myself.

  1. I have missed the gay pride parade here the last two years and I get mad at myself when I realize that I missed an opportunity to be out there supporting my friends. But, don’t be so hard on yourself. You learned from your fear and next time, you won’t let your fears get in the way of what you believe. Rent “The Birdcage” and feel better. That is one of my FAVORITE movies.

  2. It was INSANITY on the mall. Don’t fret. You believe in it, and support it, and that’s fantastic, even if you 2 didn’t end up there in body!

  3. I completely understand how you feel in social situations, I’m the same way. It’s awful and I hate it. Maybe next year you will be a bit better in this area and be able to enjoy yourself if you get to attend then.I like your blog. Found you on Mom Bloggers Follow Me Group. I’m now following and looking forward to reading more.

  4. I so want to take Ryan to anti War protests and pro Marriage equality marches, but I’m shy too. I totally get what your saying. Especially the Marriage equality march because I’m not Gay and I feel like they would all look at me and be like…”What are you doing here?”. So I just tell Ryan very clearly how I feel about these things and one day he’ll get it.

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