Wit or Wallow?

This is a post full of sound and fury signifying nothing.

Do you wallow? Sometimes I do. Right now, for instance,as I write this I may appear to the outside world to be kicking it on my comfy bed but really I am wallowing in a crock pot full of wallow stew. Vegetarian, natch. But still, I wallow.

Perhaps it was admitting out loud my obsession for little chairs and the desire to have a place to put them and tiny bottoms to fill them. But now? I wallow.  Here I am nearly halfway through this pregnancy and I accept that Angelina Jolie can rock 19 weeks with twins and look as if she ate half a hoagie whilst I smile tightly as people say”Wow! Look at you! Another month to go?” TOTT has trained me to just nod and then wait for my unconcious revenge as those hormone driven pregnancy dreamy dreams of screaming at them and then punching their slag faces in take care of it.

I’m not violent awake. I promise.

I also suffer dreams of SNL Stardom and being married to Will Forte.{who I would indeed be married too if I hadn’t met my TOTT first. The fact that he’s never met me and has no idea who I am is immeterial. Also? So what if he cross dresses and runs around nekkid with celery in his bum…it takes all types and that apparently is my type.}But then Jason Sudekis steals me away and it’s a whole SNL soap opera. Ah, pregnancy ain’t it weird???

So. Sometimes I say to God, “God! I’ve grown, I’ve learned…do you think I could have a place of my own now?” And God says “PATIENCE WOMAN! I’ve got a plan and if you trust me, I’ll tell you!” And then I say “You’ll tell me the address of my new place?” And then God throws his arms up, shakes his head and walks off to get a stromboli, because hello? food of the gods and thus: food of God.

I never really got to do a nursery for The Boss. I got it kinda-sorta together and then we moved when he was mere weeks old. The boxes hadn’t even been unpacked in Ohio before we were off and running to the safety of The American Dream. I seriously feel that this is an injustice I cannot live with. I feel like crying and screaming in a very seventh grade way: NO FAIR!!! Other people get to have nurseries, and houses {townhome, apartment- whatever!} I find myself really upset about this. And it’s trivial, really. I am so blessed. But I really want to be blessed with somewhere to make tissue paper pom poms and hang them over a crib. And make a kick ace rock and roll room for The Boss.

{HA! I know where I got this one!}

Doesn’t seem to much to ask. So I wallow today. And try to be patient, and listen to God who says quietly and with his mouth full of strombloli:

“Patience, Minks. Patience.”

15 thoughts on “Wit or Wallow?

  1. Ha learning patience does suck – doesn’t it?..Funny girl- sounds like you are getting it tho:) Someone who can laugh at herself won’t have such a tough time learning life’s lessons. Sounds like you.

    I am sure your belly is adorable- Rock the roll:) We only get a few chances to do this- may as well go full throttle, big belly and all and allow life to be celebrated in a big way! There are some who wish they looked more pregnant- perspective is everything and it sound like you are finding ways to see it differently.
    Enjoy when you can, and rest when u just feel that urge to wallow. Hey maybe you would like the book Cold Tangerines- it is about celebration and has words like ‘ sizzle.’ 🙂 or my personal fav is Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. That is a perfect read when wallowing swallows you whole:)

  2. Hey Steph,

    I have to say I love reading your blogs, I don’t like that you are struggling, but somehow reading them, always makes me smile, you have a knack for writing and making what you say so entertaining and thoughtful. You and your little family WILL have a place of your own, I know it! For now, enjoy Max, while he is your only little one and try to enjoy being pregnant. I know how that nesting thing is and wanting to have a beautiful nursery, but I have to say for the first 2 years of my kid’s lives, they were either on my hip, on my lap, on my chest or in my bed, either of them spent much time in their adorable nursery, I know it’s probably not much help.

    Us girls want, what we want, when we want it!- and I am right there with you! Love ya, Beth

  3. Well at least this is NOT a tale told be an idiot! Nor is it a Scottish Tragedy, or from what I can tell by my limited knowledge, a tragedy at all. You have a lovely family and I’m sure your very own American Dream will follow.

    I have certainly done my share of wallowing over the last 2 years, despite my mostly non tragic life. Its normal and if your writing is any indication, you don’t get stuck there. I admire that.

  4. Awwww, bless your little heart. I totally understand the “sadness” of not beling able to nest and decorate. That is a bummer. But, at least you do recognize the blessings you have. Here is hoping that someday soon you will be able to have your own place.

    P.S. Have you told your story of why you ended up moving in with ihs Parents? If so, where in the archives? If not….I’m so curious.

  5. Everyone needs a place to call home. It irks me when people say it doesn’t matter where you are, but who you are with, because it does matter! You need a ~place~ to call your own that feels like home, as well as those ~loved ones~ who make it a home. It’s totally ok to wallow!

  6. I got as big as a good year blimp with my son and I even had a nurse ask me in the hospital if I was still pregnant. When I told her no and that we were about to go home she told me I needed to start taking diuretics as soon as I got home. I wanted to knock her out.

    • ok…RUDE! I would have smacked her! I think you could have gotten away with it, hormones are a get out of jail free card. I cannot believe she said that to you!

  7. Oh I feel you so hard core on this! We rent…. have yet to buy. Though we live just the Hot Nerd, our boy, and doggies… We’ve never owned. Never decorated. Have had awful luck and moved four times in two years.
    It’s okay to wallow… a little… right?
    Wishing you a nest of your own someday. Until then… wishing you porno SNL dreams galore.

  8. I’m sure this won’t help but Samster the Hampster has no nursery either. Our American Dreamlette (it’s too small to be a full sized dream) has just 2 BR and both are occupado. So Sammy sleeps where we lay him. No choice really. I hope someday for a bigger house. One with 4 BR because while I have a weight goal before I get pg again, B2 has a square footage goal that must be met. Le sigh.

  9. My husband looks a lot like Bill Hader. Like so much that when we go to our favorite Mex/Salvodorean place where you must order in Spanish, we hear the waiters whispering “SuperBad” and “Sarah Marshall”.

    Your space and own place will be here soon, very soon. And you will be SO HAPPY that you waited so that you could choose the best place for your family. We moved to our home before this one way too early. We should have toughed it out for longer in our tiny apartment so that we could choose another place with more space, for more permanence. You are toughing it out for your future happiness!

    And when it is time for you to move and decorate, then I will personally take you and our broods to the Mecca that is the Home Goods in Olney and you will love me and hate me for it.

    Love you.

  10. PS I am having VERY VIVID pregnancy dreams about Dr. Gregory House. Not Hugh Laurie all upper crust aw-shucks Brit with his piano and charm. No, HOUSE with his demeaning way of showing love. Am sicko.

  11. I’m not on twitter (or facebook) but i can still check your twitter updates. (is that stalker-ish? I hope not! I just live vicariously through all of you awesome moms out there…..) I just wanted to give you a big {{HUG}} for the rotten day you are having, since I can’t tell you so over twitter.

    • ….and it seems you found out you are having a boy? That wasn’t news you were expecting today, is it? The day is not a total loss then! Hopefully all looked well! Now go have some more ice cream!

  12. I completely sympathize with you when it comes to the nursery. When my son was born his room wasn’t ready but I didn’t worry too much because he slept in our room. Then 2 mths later we moved. Then after moving in to the new house we still didn’t get around to getting a nursery ready because he was still sleeping with us. Then we upped and decided to break our lease and move closer to my family after 3 months. At the next house we took our slow ass time preparing him his room and the next thing I knew our lease was up & we moved in with my parents where he’s back to sharing a room with us. My hesitation with having another baby now is we are still in flux between MD & LA and I want my next baby to have a nursery.

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