Have you ever just embarrased the hell outta yourself? If you’ve read this blog for more that like, one entry, you know I do all the time. But I’ll tell you a little secret, I totally almost hyperventiliated/cried/peed a little over this one.
And then I got all uppity cause um, I WAS RIGHT!
I’m pushing my oh-so-happy Boss in the swings at the playground, he’s squealing and laughing and telling me he can touch the sun. It was, in the words of the immortal Miss Chanandler Bing “perfection”
Suddenly there is a loud screeching of tires behind me as a black SUV and burgundy sedan come flying into the playground parking lot. I mean dangerous, crazy fast. The playground was packed since it was nice out and we have all been locked in our snow caves for ages. The drivers hop out of their cars and before I can stop myself I go OFF.
“Hey!” I scream “watch your driving, there are kids everywhere. Slow down! Got it?” and by scream I mean that loud, strident mom yell that was installed sometime shortly after The Boss was born. Perhaps you have it too? The one that can stop teenage boys in their tracks and can freeze your toddlers giving-the-cat-a-bath-in-the-toilet attempt. That one. The two men stop for a moment, just a split second and give me a look before violently throwing open the trunks of their respective cars.
um…crap. They are totally going to kill me for yelling at them.
I’m nervously pushing The Boss and making small talk with him all the while watching them out of the corner of my eyes as they pull out big.fat.fekking.guns. at the playground. They both strap them into thigh holsters, before whipping out smaller guns to place at their waist and finally bullet proof vests marked POLICE in bright yellow letters across their chests.
Oh thank God, the chances of them murdering every one at the playground just got a lot smaller. They hopped back in their cars and drove off but not before giving me a sheepish look, as they pulled out of the parking lot I smiled embarrassed, terrified and said a quick prayer for their safety.
I simply cannot believe I screamed at the cops. Busy cops. On their way somewhere important and scary and time was off the essence.
But for reals? Don’t speed at the playground.