Have you ever just embarrased the hell outta yourself? If you’ve read this blog for more that like, one entry, you know I do all the time. But I’ll tell you a little secret, I totally almost hyperventiliated/cried/peed a little over this one.
And then I got all uppity cause um, I WAS RIGHT!
I’m pushing my oh-so-happy Boss in the swings at the playground, he’s squealing and laughing and telling me he can touch the sun. It was, in the words of the immortal Miss Chanandler Bing “perfection”
Suddenly there is a loud screeching of tires behind me as a black SUV and burgundy sedan come flying into the playground parking lot. I mean dangerous, crazy fast. The playground was packed since it was nice out and we have all been locked in our snow caves for ages. The drivers hop out of their cars and before I can stop myself I go OFF.
“Hey!” I scream “watch your driving, there are kids everywhere. Slow down! Got it?” and by scream I mean that loud, strident mom yell that was installed sometime shortly after The Boss was born. Perhaps you have it too? The one that can stop teenage boys in their tracks and can freeze your toddlers giving-the-cat-a-bath-in-the-toilet attempt. That one. The two men stop for a moment, just a split second and give me a look before violently throwing open the trunks of their respective cars.
um…crap. They are totally going to kill me for yelling at them.
I’m nervously pushing The Boss and making small talk with him all the while watching them out of the corner of my eyes as they pull out big.fat.fekking.guns. at the playground. They both strap them into thigh holsters, before whipping out smaller guns to place at their waist and finally bullet proof vests marked POLICE in bright yellow letters across their chests.
Oh thank God, the chances of them murdering every one at the playground just got a lot smaller. They hopped back in their cars and drove off but not before giving me a sheepish look, as they pulled out of the parking lot I smiled embarrassed, terrified and said a quick prayer for their safety.
I simply cannot believe I screamed at the cops. Busy cops. On their way somewhere important and scary and time was off the essence.
But for reals? Don’t speed at the playground.
Stephanie Says... 
OMG SO FUNNY! I would have done the same thing. Sure glad your safe! You made me laugh this morning!
My husband is a cop and he thought this was hilarious!
Bahahahaha!!!! That is so totally something I would have done! Especially in my big prego belly stage right now! Honestly, I probably would have yelled a whole lot more than that!
I love that they didn’t say anything, and just kind of let you figure it out. But STILL, you’re bad-ass!
You tell ’em Sergeant Minky!
DUDE. Hilarious! And I’ll tell you, just reading this made me want to pee my pants in fear. But only after I got over the anger that someone would come screeching into a parking lot near a playground like that. And even if they are in a hurry, they need to be aware of their surroundings…so you go girl! And damn straight they should give you a sheepish look!! 🙂
Good for you! Even police on their way to a drug bust/house raid/hostage crisis need to be careful of their speed and their location! Seriously, I wish I had the guts to do that, even if you felt embarrassed after. You made them think about where they should be throwing their gear on!
Hahaha. I would have yelled too. A playground/park/busy area with any sort of foot traffic is no place for driving like a maniac, OR guns! They have no place better to prepare for their job than a public place like that?
I swing my beats…at the playground,
ya know….
Dude I sing that to the kiddo every.damn.time.we go to the play grounnnnnd. Hilarious!
good for your for saying something, i would have wanted to yell at them too. i totally would have peed my pants after seeing them pulling guns from the trunks. YIKES! but yeah, cops, just cause your a cop, you can’t be all crazy like that in a parking lot of a playground. Did they even realize where they were? putting on their gear in a rush around that many kids; bad idea.
Ever find out what went down?
But yeah, you’re totally right! And as awful as it sounds, they would have been very late to their bust (or whatever) if they’d hit a kid in the parking lot.
No I never did! And my friends husband is a cop! He said he was going to look into it and find out.
Well I would have done the same thing. Police officers or not. Plus. I would have questioned their judgment of “suiting up” like that on a darn playground. I’m sure more then a few kids had some questions & may have been a little scared. I know I would have.
why did they stop at the park. I’m still scratching my head over that one. You made me LOL 😀
HOly crap!!! That is hilarious!! lol!!! I can’t believe they were cops. I always consider yelling at that stinker who is speeding past my house, or through the park but never do it. Good for you! Don’t speed at the park!!
I totally yell! I have become that woman. I yell at the teenagers too, which trips them out since they think I’m going to be cool but when they are hanging around the playground, smoking and being snotty….I tell em off! I can’t help myself! Thank God I have a husband and kids or I’d be that creepy spinster woman with all the cats screaming at everyone who passes her house!
I yell at the fed ex/ups guys that come flying in our cul-de-sac!! We got this house to have a safe place for our kids to ride their bikes and here comes these big trucks flying in here!! I just did it yesterday I was so mad! I said “HEY SPEEDY TODDLERS RIDING THEIR BIKES AROUND THIS CIRCLE!!!” haha my husband just held his head and said oh lord…
Hee hee…at least they stopped long enough for your embarrassment to set in 😉
I seriously wanted to die. I was so embarrassed! But really…don’t speed in the playground!
This will totally go down in history as “that time you fought the law.” LOL
That’s right! I fought the law…and I WON!
I think you kick some serious a$$ for telling them to slow down (I’d have done the same), and am frankly surprised they did that, regardless of whatever was going down!
Don’t feel badly. You’re just a momma looking out for her kiddo! And I bet everyone else there was grateful you said something!
Thank you! I would do it again. I didn’t stand for that stuff before I had my son, but now? I have no ability to hold my tongue!
I did this once in my life… I was speeding out of a parking lot after a night out with friends [my birthday] and an unmarked/undercover cop opened his driver door and almost hit it into my car. I screamed some ugly words out my window telling him to watch where he was opening his door. Cut to flashing lights and Kelly getting pulled over on her birthday. LOVELY!
You had a much better reason to get all “TOWANDA!” with the cops! 🙂
HAHAHA thats it girl!!! you kick butt and took names!! who cares if it was the cops!!! NO SPEEDING at the playground =)
You go with your bad ass self!
Bahahahahhaha….that was hysterical!! I just read the whole thing out loud to my office and I am laughing so hard ALL of my mascara is gone, thank you very much! At least they have a good story to tell about the lady that was not afraid of their guns. BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHH. I went to a club in San Francisco last weekend to watch my teenage son’s band play and the bouncer grabbed my arm when I took a picture(camera’s were allowed, and he forgot) and then later yelled at me to not take the drum sticks off the front of the stage to walk them around on the stairs, and I yelled, well spoke in my stern voice, that I was old enough to be his mother and he had BETTER not talk to me like that again. I turned around and all of the band had stopped when they heard, and watched wide eyed as the guy apologized….heehee…I love the mom voice!
Random and hilarious!
OK I was really worried about you there for a minute! 🙂 But I too have that “MOM voice” However the more children I have the less effective it seems to be with keeping the cat safe!
Happy SITS day! 🙂
I read this a month ago but I was so distracted by Miss Chanandaler Bing that I went away and googled whether it was really Bing or Bong and then I forgot to comment.
Hi!
I am totally with you. On their way to a crisis or not, you just don’t act that way at the playground. Didn’t their moms teach them anything?
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OMG you’re aweomse!!! I love this!
Awesome even! LOL