Every year there is a Memorial Day Concert on the lawn of the Capitol. I’ve always wanted to go, but it was not in the cards this year what with all the contracting and such happenin’ around these parts. No worries. We had the best concert in the history of ever. It might have been 90 degrees, but The Boss performed all of American Idiot- the censored version. My God, I love this kid crazy.

Best Concert I’ve ever been too.

 

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Misplaced stress? I don’t mind if I do!

The day of our wedding, I suddenly had a freak out. My dress was strapless and the bridesmaids, well their dresses has spaghetti straps. Oh. Mah. Gah. When we tried them on at the store there had been some talk of cutting them off and just wearing the dresses strapless, but my gals are …shall we say, busty? so nothing ever happened with that. As we were getting ready to walk down the aisle, someone may have lost her fool mind and flipped out because the bridesmaids dresses had straps.

PEOPLE! Crisis! Did you hear me? The dresses. had.straps.

They asked to be allowed to wear the straps. I told them their request had been registered with the management but NO! I had taken off my manager’s hat and was wearing my Bridezilla tiara. Bless their gorgeous busty hearts, they dutifully tucked the straps in and walked down the aisle arms firmly pinned to their sides looking nervous as all get out that they were going to flash what the good Lord gave them right there and then in the house of the Lord. As a result, I have pictures of nervously smiling bridesmaids at the wedding, but the reception? when they put their straps on and relaxed? Happy, gorgeous dancing ladies! Hmmmm. Perhaps my nerves exhibited in a bizarre way?

Having a baby? is JUST LIKE THAT!

Here we are 36 weeks and in the free zone! Baby is good to arrive any day he likes now, but I don’t have time for that. I have to make a headboard. I mean HAD. Cause clearly, if you know me…the headboard has been made! TOTT was mindbloggled. We have so much to do, but me? I was hung up on the fact that I don’t have a headboard. How can I be an adult when I live in my husband’s childhood room and don’t even have a headboard??

I know you agree the tragedy of this was just too much to bear! I wanted something simple. Something that could be changed up at a later date, you know when I get new bedding or whatevs. Like a lot of decorating gals I like to switch schizz up on the regular. So. Home made upholstered headboard was the only choice. Duh.

TOTT wearily dragged my very pregnant self to good old Home Depot and I dictated what we needed! 30 minutes later after two of the most wonderful Home Depot employees went above and beyond to figure out how to cut the design I wanted in the wood (which is NOT their job, they just had a soft spot for a pregnant lady who needed a headboard!) we were on our way!

I followed the many blog tutorials and I have to say that if you’ve got about an hour and 50-60 bucks, you too can have a new headboard!

As I am cheap, I used a twin sized egg crate bed pad to be the foam. Then I doubled up quilt batting to give it a little extra oomph since I went the cheap route for foam. After that I trimmed it all up nice and neat and laid it on top of my fabric.

I used a dropcloth ala Miss Mustardseed, though bleach as I did I never got it quite white. Oh well! TOTT liked the nubby tan fabric and thought it looked a little more masculine, so win!

I used a little bit of Fabric Tac here and there on the cut outs just to help me get it really smooth. The second one I did is better than the first, but the first one? I a-ok too!

And here it is. The next morning, done!(you can also see the $4 dollar stool I redid as well to help The Boss off and on our bed!

My side:

And now, like my Bridesmaids I am all happy and relaxed. I mean, except for the other 20 million things I want to get done! Including this $3 mirror I got for over our dresser (which I want to re-do!)

It just needs to be hung, so as soon as TOTT gets home…he’s on it!

 

Linking to Cassie at Primitive and Proper and Marion at Miss Mustardseed

Things that could only happen to me.

{photo by Gail Boos. I did not drink that Guiness}

We all know my car is trying to kill me right? This car is out to get me. On Friday I got the all clear from awesome Dr. G to get in my little car and drive to DC to meet TOTT, Bob-bob, Auntie Keek and some out of town family for lunch at National Geographic. Their salad bar is the sweetest. Just an FYI. Of course it just for employees and family etc. etc. so you’ll have to trust me on this. The NatGeo caf is the bombdiggity!

Anyway, on the way we had to stop and do one of the Boss’s very favorite things in the world. Get gas. No idea why he loves this so much, mayhaps it’s the fumes? I don’t know, but the boy loves it and every time he plays with his toy cars they all have to stop and get gas. So he was pretty stoked about about a quick fill up at the local station. I decided being out! and free! I would be all ambitious and clean my windows while the tank filled.

Well, don’t you know that car just reached out and grabbed as I scooted my way from the tank to the windshield and I found myself stuck between the wall of the flower planter (who are they kidding with this? Its a gas station!) and my evil car.

By stuck I mean jammed, crammed, unable to move, stuck. STUCK. Couldn’t move, just standing there wedged there. People all around and no one helping this big old pregnant woman. I stood there for a moment, window squeegee raised a bit in the pose of the Statue of Liberty, wondering what to do. My belly firmly squashed up against the car.

So yeah. What was I going to do? I mean, I’m not about to let someone getin my car with The Boss and move it, cause ummm NO and also OUCH! I am stuck! I could feel Baby2ElectricBoogaloo getting antsy from the pressure of being wedged in there. I tried to stand on my tip toes, maybe my girth is a little less and inch and a half lower. No dice. There is no movement happening left, right, up or down. They are going to haveto call the fire department and I will be the laughing stock of all the hot firefighters.

Cause they are always hot, especially when you are at your worst, am I right?

Finally with a mighty (painful) stretch and a roll Baby2ElectricBoogaloo moved and gasp! 1/22 of an inch of space! I popped up on my toes hoping to gain a little more leverage and scooted back towards the gas pump. Freedom!!!!!

Windows be damned. I got myself in my car and got out of there before more people could point and say “That’s the pregnant woman who got STUCK!”

So you can see why I had the salad bar.

Tiny projects…like tiny bubbles, but not.

After our doctor’s appointment I was give the all clear to do ‘small things’ like go to Target for 30 minutes (yes, I asked. Target is that important) and paint for 30 minutes and then I have to rest again. The last two days have been great because I can actually play with The Boss for short bursts and honestly I missed that.

I also started knocking off a few of the small projects on my to-do lists. Right before I ended up in the hospital we had hit the flea markets and I got a great shelf for TOTT’s camera’s for one whole dollar. He wanted it really beat up and kinda dirty looking. Can do!Especially since it was in pretty bad shape and that horrible early 90’s forest green with a heart! You know i busted that heart part off right away!

{Stroller also makes excellent flea market shopping cart}

A good scrub, a couple of coats of Opps! paint I had some stain and some poly and it’s done! Total cost:1 buck. TOTT loves it! I need to work on the display a bit, but one project (albeit a tiny one) is DONE!
{sorry for the hispamatic shots. Where is my camera?}

It’s funny the color of the shelves is pretty much correct, but everything else…no.

Before I got pregnant I bought a shelf at GW thinking this will be great in a nursery for holding wipes/cream etc. I quickly painted it turquoise envisioning a little girl’s nursery in turquoise and red with a Jenny Lind crib (never mind the fact that we have a perfectly good very expensive crib!) and then of course, Baby2ElectricBoogaloo is all boy.

Hmmmmm.

It hung on the wall for a while and I knew it would be something. So, I got a little bee in my bonnet and painted it a light yellow then distressed it so the turquoise showed through. Added an ivory rose drawer pull and now I am in LOVE!(It needs to be hung properly. I just popped it up on two nails that were already there for now. I can hang things, thankyouverymuch!)

I also finished another little chair for The Boss and Baby2. Cause you know Baby2 needs his own chair NOW.

My favorite find of the day though was something I’d been looking for for a long time. An old typewriter. When I saw this monster I couldn’t believe my eyes! I didn’t even attempt to negotiate the price I just handed over my FIVE BUCKS and ran like the wind! okay, TOTT put it in the stroller and took it to the car. It weighs a ton!
Of course it’s already been moved to the other dresser to make way for the teeeeeny newborn diapers I bought.

 

One of these days I will have a real place to decorate instead of cramming everything into our bedroom and The Boss’ room!

Today we are off to Home Goods to look again for great bedding for The Boss. I’m looking for some specific things for his room, which I really want done before Baby2 comes.

The inspiration for his room is this poster (which is on order! I can’t wait to get it!)

Baby2’s side of the room will match of course, until he lets us know what he’s interested in! Here’s hoping we find the right bedding and I can get everything in order!

linking to Primitive and Proper & Miss Mustardseed Go there. Look at the projects. Holy cow I get inspired!

Hold your horses…

{cupcake face}

 

On Saturday night I dyed my hair.

I know, epic revelation riiiight???

But here’s what happened. I realized that this might very possibly be the last hair dye before Baby2ElectricBoogaloo arrives. At the most I’ve got one more. ONE MORE.

I think Elle Woods said it best in her Broadway Musical Legally Blonde when she sang Oh my God, Oh my God you guys!

And so I did a full on panic, cuz duh….so much to do and no time to do it! Also? I’m not allowed to do it! Then we finally dragged the bassinet out of the garage and guess what? The freaking cover cannot be washed. Like, who designed this *cough First Years cough*?? I mean, babies pee and puke and other things and a gals gotta be able to rip off the whole ruffly shebang and toss it in the washer, n’est ce pas? It’s been in the garage since The Boss was 8 months old just absorbing all sorts of gas and chemicals! What kind of mother puts her baby in an unwashed, garage smelling bassinet? Did you guys have ‘the baby has no where to sleep‘ freak out? Related: Must get infant car seat.

Plus I need to finish two shelves, I’ve decided to junk the headboard I was working on because I totally hate it, and it’s not what I really want. So next weekend TOTT and I are making a headboard because I simply must have one before baby arrives. Must. AND I’ve got a bee in my bonnet that Max and Baby2 need their names up in their rooms. These names, obviously. must be on guitar shaped decorations.

Also, still haven’t found the perfect bedding for The Boss and I still need crib sheets etc (you know the crib needs to be perfect, even though Baby2 won’t be in it for ages!) and crap! the breathable bumper is the wrong color!!!!

And I want to make a mobile for over the crib. That he won’t sleep in for ages. Because he’ll be sleeping in a chemical laden, unwashed bassinet! I AM A TERRIBLE MOTHER! I can’t find part of the swing, and the bouncy seats actual seat has gone missing.

This all leads to me to one conclusion.

The last bit of pregnancy combined with bed rest has driven me insane.

Clearly I need more cupcakes.

 

So…ha ha ha on me.

‘member on Monday when I was all -brag brag brag-  I haven’t had a contraction in three days? well, that night at exactly 9:16 a freaking 9.6 on the Richter scale hit me.WTF? thought I. No,no…surely  you jest uterus. Didn’t you read the blog today? We’re over these. The Boss had taken a looooong nap and so was late going to bed. We cuddled together in his very small big boy bed and smack in middle of telling the epic story of Handy Manny Tool for Sale another one hit me. I looked at The Boss’ sound machine/alarm clock/best 23 bucks ever spent and it said 9:26.

What the what? TWO kick my booty contractions  ten minutes apart? Curious. The Boss and I laid in bed snuggling and talking about the day when another one struck. Aftershock? A quick glimpse at the clock and 9:36! Okay…don’t panic. Three in 30 minutes.

Dude. I’m only allowed four in an hour. After the Boss settled down,  I made my escape from the guitar ridden, toddler gated twin bed I  followed the rules.Pounded ten gallons of water and laid with on my left side. But every 10 minutes like, well, like clockwork, my belly would tighten and my back would scream! I waited. And waited. Finally I did the sensible thing and asked Twitter. A resounding GO IN rang throughout the Twitterverse and not one to anger the Twitter Gods, I followed their advice. I called the after hours line for my doctor.

Of course I was told: get thee to the hospital.

So off we went. To the hospital. Again. Contractions moving from every 10 minutes to every 7. Yay. We were so much more relaxed this time, we almost had the giggles it was so ridiculous!

We got all settled in and TOTT was asleep before the nurse came back to give me a very painful IV stick. It was okay, because he was right there if I needed him and I knew he was exhausted.  The nurse said Dr A (a partner in my OB practice) just wanted me to rest and have fluids. Um…what? I coulda done  that at home. Honestly I don’t think Dr. A or the night nurse took me seriously. Even after she saw how big and frequent my contractions were she still seemed like she was humoring me. I reminded her that we had been there before for pre-term labor and I was being monitored…but her attitude was still, how cute she thinks she’s in labor!

While TOTT snored, I flipped channels and watched far too many episodes of Taboo. Finally around 4 or so I passed out. The contractions entering my dreams in random and bizzare ways. I woke around 7 and at 7:45 my beloved Dr. G showed up. A million questions and one seriously painful exam later it was determined that I  was stuck in the hospital for the rest of the day.

They totally hooked me up with some awesome breakfast.

I know you’re jealous of my awesome salty vegetable broth breakfast.

 

When Dr. G. found out I hadn’t been examined by a doctor the whole time I was there…he was PISSED. He took that night nurse outside and opened a can of Dr. whoopass on her. My day nurse was totes better. And I recieved excellent care from there on out. TOTT and I were really pleased with how they handled it. After an hour of Dr. G monitoring my contractions he decided that it was time for some drugs. Yeah….made a little difference but not the magic stop all we hoped. So I was in for another 8 hours and another dose.

Finally it was determined that I wasn’t in danger of imminent danger of delivering so off I was sent back home with the words “I think we can buy another week” ringing in my ears.

I got my discharge papers that evening and the directions were clear:

  • take meds every 8 hours, do not miss a dose
  • if baby stops moving come into hospital
  • more than four contractions an hour come to hospital
  • no more getting lucky TOTT. sorry boo.
  • tons of water and lots of laying on the left side
  • hit Krispy Kreme on the way home.

We don’t take no chances folks and let me tell you those hot, fresh, crispy donuts were sweetgasms in my mouth!

See those two closest to my belly? By the time we reached home, they were IN my belly. Me, Baby2ElectricBoogaloo and the donuts were all happy with the new arrangement.

p.s. this incredibly electrifying post took three days to write. These meds make the contractions lessen but they give me a monster headache.

p.p.s. I apologize if you’ve left a comment and I haven’t responded yet or been to visit you. I apologize, I promise I haven’t forgotten! I’m just, you know, trying not to have this kid and sitting up sucks.

Am Huge.

Am huge.

DUDES! One month!! We made it one whole month of keeping Baby2ElectricBoogaloo in the belleh!! I’m supah jazzed about this because, duh, 34 weeks is way safer than 30, know what I mean? Plus it’s looking like this kid is staying put for a while longer. I’m happy with that, although I gots to admit that I am getting way uncomfortable!

My contractions really seem to be slowing down, I even went three whole days without one! But at other times, Holy Infant of Prague it feels like a vice is just squeezing me corset style. Guess what? That hurts like the devil and makes me want to howl at the moon like those werewolves in Twilight. (p.s. watched Twilight the other day and why? Just why? Why is ONE supernatural dude in love with Boring Bella, much less two? She’s sullen, monosyllabic, and doesn’t even attempt to be nice to your vampire parents when they make Italian food!)

So with one month of keeping this kiddo in we have also reached ONE MONTH OF NO COFFEE!!  I had to break up with coffee to keep this kiddo in, and it was so worth it. But it begs the question, do I chase the Green Mermaid (bucks) once I pop this kid out? Or stay clean and pure? And also, does this count as one miracle towards my sainthood? Miracle One…lives with mother in law and likes it. Miracle two…quit coffee. I think it it does.

Obviously the answer to the difficult coffee question is heck no! Once that epidural wears off someone bring me a Sugar Free Vanilla Soy latte STAT!

The Boss is suffering his own withdrawals. One month of broken boos. He asks every single day to nurse and every day I tell him the Doctor says the boos are broken and he responds “No I think he said they are fixed!” It makes me sad and happy all at the same time, and honestly I am kind of glad I never got to have that last boo-ing session, because I would have been a wreck. It was better this way, like the mean Russian woman who used to distract me with some outrageous statement before she ripped my lady biz hair free. I would never had willingly done it, but now it’s done oh hey! that’s great! So while I am pleased with the results of ripping off the boo-ing without warning, suddenly The Boss seems so…big. And cuddly! No one told me that he would get cuddlier! Mama likes.

I wonder when he will stop asking to nurse. And what sort of technicolor tantrum can we expect when he sees me boo the new baby? He is nothing if not dramatic.

No idea where he gets that from.

I predict many ice cream distractions and lots of new toys.

 

She’s one bad mutha- shut your mouth!

My mother likes to tell this one story about me, age 4, and I can see it clear as day. Where I was standing and exactly what happened. Perhaps I don’t actually remember it so much as she has told it so many times that it’s burned in my brain and so it’s a bit like a movie to me.

It goes like this:

My mother was fixing the toilet. Not just plunging, but crawling behind the toilet turning off the water and using a wrench. She turns to me and says “Stephie, come here I want to show you how to do this so when you’re older you’ll know.”

And I said “Mommy, don’t be silly. I will have a husband. That’s what they’re for!”

Okay, first of all I’d like to reach back through time and smack lil Stephie ten ways till Sunday, cause hello? Nice sensitivity little one. My father had only been dead about 1.5-2 years at that point and I am quite sure the wound of not having him around was still very raw for her. And second…it doesn’t matter if you do indeed have a husband. Ten times outta twenty momma is fixing that potty, am I right?

The point is that even with my resistance to self reliance and an incredible princess complex, my bad ass do it yourself mom taught me to be a bad ass do it yourself mom.

Need shelves hung? I can do it. Move a couch? Why wait till they guys get home, I will drag that bad boy into the next room for ya! Not to mention painting, spackling and yes…yes, turning off the water and fixing the damn toilet. And all of that is due to my mom,who solo parented a kid who – let’s be honest- was not exactly and easy one. Oh, I was great until I turned 13 and then I became evil devil spawn drama teen with a heavy dose of Daddy Issues. A lesser woman would have folded when I totalled the car less than 24 hours after getting my driver’s license. I won’t even pretend that lovely comment while my mother was acting like a plumber was the only insensitive thing I ever said to her. Most were unintentional, but there were some doozies that I spouted off on purpose that to this day make me cringe.

Or how about the time she hocked her wedding ring to buy my cheerleading uniform and then I got kicked off the squad? Well, actually it’s even worse…I just got suspended but I was so pissed offt hat they dared to suspend me that I just never went back. (FTR I later replaced the ring with a really beautiful gold and peridot ring, her birthstone, but still…really young Stephie?REALLY???)

Because of my mom I can do all these things…oh yes, I do have a husband and yes he does help. TOTT is great. But  I am my mother’s daughter and the menfolk, they drag their heels sometimes, non?  Or he is off at that pesky work thing he does and I am – how to say- IMPATIENT! so sometimes I just gotta do what I gotta do.

She taught me how to be self sufficient and one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn it to let TOTT in, to be my team mate. Because my mother was a team of one. And so was I. She and I against the world and all that!

She taught me how to mix Target with Neiman’s…before Target was cool. We didn’t have much money but I always looked like we did. Our house always did. She influenced me to spend money on the basics and bargain shop the trends. She encouraged me to have my own style.How she managed to let me go to school with long beaded ribbons pinned in my bowl cut hair and a dress with a pinafore over it and go go boots I’ll never know. 2nd grade was a Gaga fashion show for sure!

She also taught me unconditional love. She loved me wholly and completely even when I resembled a demon in a teenage body.

She rocks.

To me she is the best mom in the land. Happy Mother’s day Mumsy! I think I’ll use some power tools and then redecorate something.

I LOVE YOU MOM!!!!

p.s. I forgive you for blaming things the dogs did on me and for sometimes calling me Nym/Shelley/Barney/Pepper/STEPHIE!! and you forgive me for being evil and selfish? Okay? OKAY??

JAILBREAK!!!!

Our doctors appointments on Thursday brought good news. Baby2ElectricBoogaloo is nice and snug in there, weighing in at 4.5 pounds already and despite painful contractions it does not appear that he is coming out anytime soon! Cue the hallelujah chorus and pop the non-alcoholic champagne! And with such glorious news I was upgraded to “rest all you can as much as you can, don’t overdue it but you can start to get back to your life with these twenty billion restrictions”  but hello? I get to leave the house on my own! I mean, like I can drive my very own big pregnant butt to Target to get a decaf soy latte! (still no caffeine. hmpf.)

TOTT immediatly had a plan. Me. Him. Hotel vacay stay in DC at the Mayflower Hotel. Now, I love the Mayflower and I have never stayed there…cause well, I live about 30 minutes from there. Buuuuuuuuuuuuut one small babymoon was in order!

I drove! in DC! all by myself!  DC is a psycho driver land. Add roundabouts into the mix and I need a Xanax, which of course I can’t have. But thanks to some rather elaborate and calming fantasies that I was indeed Adele, and performing live on SNL I made it safe and sound to TOTT’s office which is just around the corner to the Mayflower and off we went! We got all checked in and headed up in the elevator to our room. A lovely woman and her husband joined us in the elevator and as we started to rise I had a big fat contraction. Our elevator companion’s husband said “Are you in labor? Because I don’t want to deliver a baby this weekend. I mean, I will if I have too but I don’t want too. I’m good at it though.” He gave me a look over and we were like: ummmm. Say what creeper? and oh goody, they were on our floor! It was the oddest exchange, and left TOTT and I speculating that we really did hope he was indeed a doctor!

After a quick refresh we headed out on the town for alittle Italian food and then my very favorite dessert ever…Old Ebbitt’s Peanut Butter Pie. If you are ever in DC I will be happy to escort you personally for a nosh. Delish!  TOTT and I realized we were those people. You know the ones who tell the waiter “we’re on a date night! no kid! first time in 2 years….wanna see a picture?” Apparently everyone at Old Ebbitt’s did want to see a picture as soon even the manager came over to congratulate us on Date Night and see pics of the Boss and share pics of his own almost three year old. I guess there is a lot of us out there, just waiting for a date night!  After some decaf and finishing off that oh so delicious pie we took  a quick walk past the White House at night, all lit up and we slowly made our way back to the hotel.

Side note: I’ve decided that my now galumphing pregnant walk is not a waddle but is a much klassier Pimp Limp. Thank you for your understanding in this matter.

I told TOTT I was prepared to divorce him and marry the mattress at the Mayflower and I meant it. TOTT wisely agreed to be brother husbands with my new love, the mattress, and even brought me extra pillows all while making sure that The Royal Wedding was playing on the tee (as the Boss calls it. And yes, we’ve also become those people. You know the ones who use the vernacular of their tiny person even when their tiny person is not there.)

I slept like the dead. It.Was.Awesome. Morning came way to early! But with it came breakfast in bed. Come to me lovah!

A quick check out and then it was time grab some (decaf!) coffee and head on home my sweet toddler.Dude. I missed that little bugger.

End note: if you have preterm labor contractions but want to have a quick babymoon get away, may I suggest that you book a room at a hotel that just happens to be hosting the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology? Turns out elevator creeper really was not only a doctor, but an OB!!

And my friends, is God looking out for me!