So…ha ha ha on me.

‘member on Monday when I was all -brag brag brag-  I haven’t had a contraction in three days? well, that night at exactly 9:16 a freaking 9.6 on the Richter scale hit me.WTF? thought I. No,no…surely  you jest uterus. Didn’t you read the blog today? We’re over these. The Boss had taken a looooong nap and so was late going to bed. We cuddled together in his very small big boy bed and smack in middle of telling the epic story of Handy Manny Tool for Sale another one hit me. I looked at The Boss’ sound machine/alarm clock/best 23 bucks ever spent and it said 9:26.

What the what? TWO kick my booty contractions  ten minutes apart? Curious. The Boss and I laid in bed snuggling and talking about the day when another one struck. Aftershock? A quick glimpse at the clock and 9:36! Okay…don’t panic. Three in 30 minutes.

Dude. I’m only allowed four in an hour. After the Boss settled down,  I made my escape from the guitar ridden, toddler gated twin bed I  followed the rules.Pounded ten gallons of water and laid with on my left side. But every 10 minutes like, well, like clockwork, my belly would tighten and my back would scream! I waited. And waited. Finally I did the sensible thing and asked Twitter. A resounding GO IN rang throughout the Twitterverse and not one to anger the Twitter Gods, I followed their advice. I called the after hours line for my doctor.

Of course I was told: get thee to the hospital.

So off we went. To the hospital. Again. Contractions moving from every 10 minutes to every 7. Yay. We were so much more relaxed this time, we almost had the giggles it was so ridiculous!

We got all settled in and TOTT was asleep before the nurse came back to give me a very painful IV stick. It was okay, because he was right there if I needed him and I knew he was exhausted.  The nurse said Dr A (a partner in my OB practice) just wanted me to rest and have fluids. Um…what? I coulda done  that at home. Honestly I don’t think Dr. A or the night nurse took me seriously. Even after she saw how big and frequent my contractions were she still seemed like she was humoring me. I reminded her that we had been there before for pre-term labor and I was being monitored…but her attitude was still, how cute she thinks she’s in labor!

While TOTT snored, I flipped channels and watched far too many episodes of Taboo. Finally around 4 or so I passed out. The contractions entering my dreams in random and bizzare ways. I woke around 7 and at 7:45 my beloved Dr. G showed up. A million questions and one seriously painful exam later it was determined that I  was stuck in the hospital for the rest of the day.

They totally hooked me up with some awesome breakfast.

I know you’re jealous of my awesome salty vegetable broth breakfast.

 

When Dr. G. found out I hadn’t been examined by a doctor the whole time I was there…he was PISSED. He took that night nurse outside and opened a can of Dr. whoopass on her. My day nurse was totes better. And I recieved excellent care from there on out. TOTT and I were really pleased with how they handled it. After an hour of Dr. G monitoring my contractions he decided that it was time for some drugs. Yeah….made a little difference but not the magic stop all we hoped. So I was in for another 8 hours and another dose.

Finally it was determined that I wasn’t in danger of imminent danger of delivering so off I was sent back home with the words “I think we can buy another week” ringing in my ears.

I got my discharge papers that evening and the directions were clear:

  • take meds every 8 hours, do not miss a dose
  • if baby stops moving come into hospital
  • more than four contractions an hour come to hospital
  • no more getting lucky TOTT. sorry boo.
  • tons of water and lots of laying on the left side
  • hit Krispy Kreme on the way home.

We don’t take no chances folks and let me tell you those hot, fresh, crispy donuts were sweetgasms in my mouth!

See those two closest to my belly? By the time we reached home, they were IN my belly. Me, Baby2ElectricBoogaloo and the donuts were all happy with the new arrangement.

p.s. this incredibly electrifying post took three days to write. These meds make the contractions lessen but they give me a monster headache.

p.p.s. I apologize if you’ve left a comment and I haven’t responded yet or been to visit you. I apologize, I promise I haven’t forgotten! I’m just, you know, trying not to have this kid and sitting up sucks.

14 thoughts on “So…ha ha ha on me.

  1. Well, you certainly know how to keep things exciting, that’s for sure! And hey, at least you got some krispy kremes out of it. WIN! Glad you’re all ok.

  2. I had a nurse tell me I wasn’t in labor. She said, “In fact your baby won’t come for another 2 weeks.”

    Yeah, he was born 1 day later. I was labor for 43 1/2 hours (no drugs for 40 of it, because well I wasn’t in labor remember?!!!! ack!)

    So….I’m glad your doctor went off on the nurse, sounds like she earned it!

    Don’t worry about commenting back, we know you have a lot going on!

  3. all i want to know is, why was “hit krispy kreme on the way home.” last on the list? dr. g needs to recognize the importance of warm krispy kreme donuts, mkay?

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