It doesn’t take Freud to figure it out…

Boss n Snurfie

The Boss, well he loves him some Smurfette. Or rather, he love Snurfette. He cuddles with her, he takes her to school with him (week two and three of school did not go as well as week one), he sleeps with one arm slung over her at all times. Like any boy he prefers her without her dress on.”I want her nakey, Mommy!”

Last night had a Halloween dream. I was struggling to get my make up on for my costume before the Boss saw me. My blue makeup. I rubbed on the bright foundation furiously trying to make my skin that aqua/royal blue combo that the lovely Snurfy sports. Nothing happened. Al Roker wandered by (because obviously) as blue as could be in his Brainy Smurf costume but was gone before I could ask to borrow his makeup. I became very upset insisting that TOTT take me to the store right then to get more blue make up and possibly a new blond wig because my costume had to PERFECT.

It was then that I woke up and the heavy realization hit me.

I am jealous of  mother f%^&**^ Snurfette.

Motherhood.

Standing Tall

Mommy & Sleeping Huck
This week I wrote a real live article. Like, for a real live y’know, professional thingy. And I get like, paid. How weird is that?

You know what happened? I procrastinated and procrastinated and procrastinated. And then I put it off. I couldn’t seem to find a hook, a phrase to get me started. I couldn’t find my voice, and if there is one thing I do…it is write with voice. But this marked a new avenue for me. This was real. Not that blogging isn’t. Blogging is very real and I owe it so much!  I take blogging seriously,and I work hard on every guest post or assignment. But this was, dare I say it, a JOB.

My insecurities were running at a crazy warp speed. I can’t write. I’ll never be anything. Why didn’t I learn a real skill? Why didn’t I get a degree? Why can’t I lose the last ten pounds of baby weight? I just worried and worried and worried myself into a hurricane of panic.

A casual conversation with a friend brought out an anecdote that just opened the flood gates for my article. The words flowed far past the allotted amount. I felt sick to my stomach as I sent it off. And held my breath till I had a response. It was good. The response was good!

I couldn’t stop smiling all night. I kept reliving the words leaping off the email telling me I had done well. And I physically stood a little taller. Confidence. I felt it and it felt good. It’s been so long since I was confident, really confident and oh my god it was like a welcoming back good friend. A friend that I’m hoping stays a while.

{Join us at Just Be Enough!}

it went a little something like this…

First, we we’re the meanest parents ever by forcing The Boss to stand unclothed under a stream of warm running water. Then:

“NO I AM NOT GORGEOUS!”

Boss
“Don’t say that!”

Boss cry
“No Mommy!”
picnikfile_MBkI66

“I WANT GRAHAM CRACKERS!”

Graham cracker

And because I am awesome mom I decided to take pictures instead of, you know, getting him graham crackers. The Boss apparently find hotels a little upsetting and graham crackers are the only cure. {He did eventually  get his magic graham crackers, don’t you worry!}

A biased opinion.

My father was murdered. In the South. That man was executed.

There you have the facts. But this isn’t about me. It’s about Troy Davis who was wrongly executed last night. And Lawrence Brewer who was rightly executed.

Okay maybe it is a bit about me because I am having a crisis of faith. I have always been pro-death penalty. It’s a biased opinion, colored by our family’s experience. I grew up knowing what was taken away from me and envious even of the murderer’s children; they got 18 more years with their father than I did. At least they got to know their dad through the glass of the prison visiting room while the taxpayers paid for him to get a college degree, earning him the nickname The Professor. My father worked. He was loving son, husband and father. I don’t know his nickname.He was 24 when he was brutally murdered. Not that all murders aren’t brutal.  I feel for Officer MacPhail’s family. (And I lost my mind when Alec Baldwin tweeted something negative about them.) I can tell you flat out that the families have no say in what happens and  I remember we felt very forgotten when it was all happening. The victim of the actual crime seems to be pushed to the side at times like these, all of the focus being put on the person to be executed left us crying out what about us? What about our loss? Our loved one was tortured and this man gets a sedative? Being on this side of an execution is a tricky business it’s horrible. Even when you know beyond any shadow of a doubt that the right guy is being punished.

I don’t believe Troy Davis was the right guy, but they do, and I understand why. I understand all too well.

I also know that it is no good just to hand out ‘justice’ unless it is proper justice. It must be the right guy, just executing someone for the sake of execution is another murder. I know many of you feel that the death penalty is always murder…and here is where my crisis of faith comes into play.

Lawrence Brewer was executed last night in the same prison and the same room as the man who murdered my father was executed in. I feel nothing but peace about this. What he did to James Byrd junior is inhuman. I don’t believe he deserved to take another gasp of air. I believe the death penalty is full and just in this case.

Troy Davis was executed in Georgia, literally put down like a dog. They didn’t have the proper drugs so they used veterinary drugs usually used to euthanize animals. No physical evidence. No DNA. Seven out of nine witnesses recanted and another man confessed. I do believe his lawyers sucked.  I don’t believe he deserved to die. I believe the death penalty is a travesty and an epic tragedy in this case.

For every Lawrence Brewer there are 200 more on death row. Guilty as sin and unrepentant. So then there must also be more Troy Davises. I am not quite ready to say no death penalty, but I am not sure how to prevent another clearly innocent man from dying.

Will this case bring an end to capital punishment in America? Will it bring a much needed review and revamping of our process?

I like to think that when Troy Davis got to heaven God wrapped his arms around him and said “I know. But you were the man for the job. The man who could bring to light how flawed this system is. You did well, my child. Now rest and be comforted.”

Because Troy Davis you did do your job well. My crisis of faith is in full swing. My heart bleeds for your family, and for the family of Officer MacPhail. There is no winner in a murder case. There can only be a scar that never fully heals but it always sensitive and sore.

The Emmys- Riding the Crimson Wave.

So. The Emmys. They were last night just in case you missed them because you were hibernating in a cave, forced to watch football or praying Michelle Bachman away.

This year Emmy fashion had two speeds. Neutral and Red. There were some gorgeous, gorgeous looks, some embarrassing shows But mostly everyone was really, really, really safe.

Really safe. Like, boring.

But the bads? Were really bad. Two of the worst are people I love to hate. Well, one…Gwynnie.  Oh Gwyneth Paltrow how I want to smack you in your sanctimonious pursed lipped face. I always thought you were kinda a brat, but what with your sanctimonious mothering articles and complaining about your “Big Jewish nose” (her words, not mine!) your place as Queen of Pretension is well sealed. What on Earth made her think this was a good idea?

Gwynnie..eat pray puke.

 

Lea Michelle in Marchesa…heaven. Puffy sleeves are hard to pull off, but Miss Michelle does it well. Rachel Barry may be my nemesis…but even I can admit when Miss Michelle is looking good. The dress has lots of intricate details on the sleeves and a killer drop back, so she keeps the hair and jewelry simple. Beautiful. Although for real? The posing? Is a bit poseur. Know what I mean, Jean? {I’d like to thank everyone on twitter for backing me up that Leah Michelle is farking annoying as all get out. And I mean it Leah Michelle. GET OUT.}

Christina Hendricks went color neutral in order to balance out that Ronald McDonald hair. She rocks it better than Ronnie. No doubt. She’s not one of my favorite actresses but her in  this dress by Johanna Johannson is. It’s new but looks crazy vintage…it’s perfect, elegant old Hollywood.  The champagne color of the fabric and beads are delicate but it must weigh a ton. Also I dig that she is W-O-M-A-N. Curves. Boobs. {Pale. Let’s hear it for the pasty ones! Represent!} Unfortunately it doesn’t photograph as well as it should because trust me, it was divine.

Juliana Marguilles in Armani Prive… WTF! It’s like someone tacked the top of some Ikea-esque mirror display on her top.And the bottom? I’m pretty sure it was latex. Lubed up latex.  I know, I know, couture is art but now is the time on Sprockets when we dance. The End.

Because really? She’s like some sort of great space condom. with Pearls for her ‘pleasure’. By pleasure I mean, nausea. Obviously.

Also in Armani Prive was Padma Lakshmi. Liquid gold. Lick. Wid. Gold. I believe they might be actually awarding miniature statues of her. Also I want every single piece of her jewelry collection.

My kingdom for that bod.

It hurts me. Heidi Klum’s Siriano hurts me. But I think it’s just because I’m having a sense memory flashback from when I sliced my foot open on a coral reef.

She’s still ridiculously gorgeous.

I do believe John Krasinski belongs on the top of a wedding cake. My wedding cake. Yum.

It’s cool though. Cause Emily Blunt is awesome, so I guess it’s cool he got hitched up with her.

 

I love Amy Poehler. And Will Arnette. They are both adorable and funny, what’s not to love? Oh, I know. Her dress. Designed by Body Glove? Does it double as a scuba suit? I think it does. Whatever, she is still awesome.

Zooey Deschanel is ridiculous adorable and not just anyone can pull off a pink ball gown (*cough* Gwynnie *cough*) and a partial bouffant, but Zooey is just the schizz. I still don’t think it’s a great look, but she is so damn cute and unique that if anyone is going to wear a barbie pink dress it oughta be her. Poor Hipsters and Indie rockers, we mainstreamers are usurping her ASAP. (And as soon as I find a picture of her, I’ll add it!)

Dianna Agron, so beautiful. Why is she wearing this bedspread from That 80’s show?

Sofia Vergarra. Life is not fair.

And she’s funny. Life is just not fair.

Hey! Young Hollywood? This is how you do it.

Fresh, elegant, a little sexy. Just lovely all around.

Garcon! Can I have a club soda with lime? Thanks.

It pains my heart to even write that. I did my very first commercial with Joel McHale and he was so nice. . Success could not happen to a better guy. I’m thrilled for him. But not for that jacket. Emmys? Joel could host. Just saying.

Highlight: Jane Lynch. LOVE HER. Her gay agenda was hilarious. I’m from LA and there we just call the Gay Agenda…Agenda. It usually involves shoe shopping and delicious Margaritas on Santa Monica Blvd. I am way okay with the Agenda. Also, Melissa McCarthy winning. Low: that damn sound that repeated through the whole farking show making me INSANE. tell me you heard it? TELL ME?

So, my best dressed are… I can’t decide! I’m torn and for me this year there is no clear cut winner. What do you think? Sofia Vergarra? Laura Linney in her black mini and sexy shoes? There is no head and shoulders above everyone else winner.

Worst Dressed: Easy. Gwynnie, and Julianna Marguilles.

 

Who are your best and worst dressed? Do you love to hate certain actors as I do, knowing that all we have is the information that is put out there for us? Gwynnie might just be a really awesome  non-pretensious gal. But I doubt it.

What say you?

 

*photo credits Getty Images*

Just Sitting here on the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity.

{via Pinterest}

Yup. Today is my birthday and  have decided that in this, my thirtieth (again) year I shall simply be awesome.

Oh, I don’t mean that suddenly my head has exploded with ego…no, no. I am still the same insecure wreck I was last year. My brain is still a constant cycle of negative self talk and anxiety. I’m telling you it is a par-tay up in cabeza de Stephania.

However on this, my thirtieth (again) birthday I declare that this year shall be spent letting GO of at least some of that self doubt. Go Dog GO!

Because listen, I am not a size zero. I am not 6 feet tall. I didn’t turn out to be a super model. But I am pretty blessed. First and foremost; my boys, my babies,are here and healthy and just for reals the bombdiggity. Second: I gots me a hubby who is a good honest man and as an added bonus he makes me laugh till my eyes water. Third: Mumsy is awesome. Forth: we live with my in-laws. I know, not normally a blessing, right? But mine are pretty cool and we get to save money to move (soon we hope) and hey! free babysitting! Fourth: I am blessed to love The Boss’ preschool. Even if he doesn’t right now. Sad panda. Fifth: I am resilient. I beat an eating disorder just before it beat me. I moved across the country away from my home and friends and have slowly made a life for myself.My once much abused body rallied and built not one, but two beautiful babies. I’ve struggled with postpartum anxiety and am winning the war. Sixth: super awesome bombdiggity friends. Dub, WWJD, Miss Katie, and all my others. I am so very lucky. I include you, my ‘make believe in the computer friends’. I am grateful for each and every one of you.

For my birthday I declare that you are awesome too. BTW you look great today! yes, you!

Well, now where will I go to scream at bad parents on TV?

So the Kate plus 8 finale was Monday night and in an interview Kate Herself says she feels oh-so-bad for all the millions of devastated fans.

I like to picture her as Madonna in Evita as Eva Peron singing Don’t Cry For Me TLC Fans (the truth is you’ll never lose me..I’m already shopping another reality show idea!)

KatePeron

I myself AM devastated. Devastated in a oh-were-you-still-on-tv? kind of way. Wherever will I go? Whatever shall I do? I mean, there just isn’t another spray tanned mom with hair extensions and acrylics pimping out her kids on tv to watch!

Oh wait, there is still Toddlers and Tiaras and Dance Moms. Whew. Deep sigh of relief. Personally I think T&T and Dance Moms are worse that John and Kate, or Kate plus 8 or Kate and Kate and Kate times 8. (and yet I watch) I do wonder-I mean, these kids have been filmed since they were tiny. Everything has been recorded. Everything. If I close my eyes I can still see a certain potty training episode…shudder. Let just say that somethings that should have been blurred out weren’t and leave it at that, shall we?

Will Facebook and Twitter (or whatever new fangled social media is all the rage when they come of age) be enough to fulfill the need for a public life for these children or will they be forever seeking out attention and applause in other ways. And if we are making bets on which one ends up stripping, well, my money is on Maddie.

Honestly I hope the kids turn out well, go to college, and live out nice normal lives and grow up to write blogs about their own children like nice normal people.

Sheesh.

 

BTW- tomorrow is my birthday random buy me things day!  Also, have I pimped out and exploited my smallest lately? I’d hate to leave my fans- my millions of fans devastated...

picnikfile_qh9JFN

{so I says to her mommy, I’m three months old now. I can negotiate my own reality show deal}

Heartsick.


Last week  our local news reported a story that just ripped my heart out. A 12 year old boy playing in his own backyard had been swept away by a flash flood. Gone. Just like that. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I found out via twitter that the beautiful boy lost was the son of a local blogger. Local to me. Right around the corner and a blogger. I have never met her or her children, I’ve never read her blog before… I’m not sure how we never connected  as she is another spray paint everything thing that doesn’t move thrift store kinda gal just like me. I did what so many of us did, I went to her blog and  ‘met’ her family. I cried at the pictures of her beautiful boy and gorgeous girl dressed in their uniforms ready for the first day of school. 7th and 5th grade.

Now only one of them will go to school.

I found myself reading and reading and reading. I read her whole blog.  I had only intended to stop by and leave a comment telling her my heart was with her. Because it was. It is.  But one post led to another and then I liked her. A lot. So I just read and read and read. She is funny, she has the same kind of humor I do. I laughed along with her at life’s foibles and loved seeing her household projects.  I wished I’d known of her blog before the tragedy. I wish I’d been following all along. I wish I could do SOMETHING. Anything to ease her pain.  Share her burden.

Maybe that is why I and so many others ran to her blog, not to rubberneck. but to in some tiny way share her burden. To let her know that even if we are in the internet, we are THERE. We are trying to make sense of it and coming up with nothing.Nothing. How can a beautiful boy be here one minute and then gone the next? Maybe we all hug our children closer and think of Anna and her Jack. Maybe we hug our children for Anna who can no longer hug her son.

I’m not sure. There is a part of me who wants to march over to her home and scoop her up in my arms and hold her. Just hold her and let her cry and cry along with her. Of course she has people who actually know her to do this. She certainly doesn’t need some stranger from blogland to do it. She has her family. I hope that she knows in some small way, that when her husband wraps his arms around her as she wraps her arms around her daughter that I am in my heart wrapping my arms around all of them. Perhaps you are too. And around my arms and your arms and her husband’s and hers are God’s.

 

I’m holding you close Anna. For now that will have to be enough as I am powerless to do more. You have all my thoughts and prayers.

 

 

Sometimes love through the internet has to Just Be Enough.

 

You know when your kid does something uber cute?

But refuses to do it for the camera? Yeah. That.
Bee walk

During a break in the crazy rain The Boss and I took Puppy Bear out for a walk. In his Bee costume. Or as he calls it “My busy bug coat” I die. Anyway, I took pictures of just about every step he took. It was too precious.

New walk

How sweet are these two?

a bee and his pup out for a walk.

But when it came time for The Boss to show off what his dad taught him…he messed with me. The little stinker!

Someday I’ll catch him doing the pledge the right way, cause trust me ‘indivisible’ will knock you dead with precious.

 

**full disclosure: i might have held up the busy bug coat and asked him if he wanted to wear it. Sue me. You would have done the same, right?

Call to remembrance 9/11

It’s ten years later and I am still teary eyed whenever someone even mentions 9/11. All those people, trapped and terrified. And nothing…nothing could be done to save them. I’ll never understand it. I’ll never not cry over it, ten years from now and ten years from then it will still be unbearable.

I was blessed to be asked by iVillage to share my 9/11 experience. There are some amazing stories in this video,including Dumb Mom’s Mom…incredible stuff.

I am about 6th in. You can use the arrow to scroll through, but I encourage you to watch them all. Amazing.(pathetic vanity disclaimer: I had been walking around in the heat for hours before this was filmed, I’m still puffy from having the baby and also I apparently thought that was a good hair color idea. I was wrong. Be kind)

Direct link to mine

Stephanie Stearns Dulli remembers September 11th

 

Hug your loved ones today. And can you tell I’m giving you a through the internet hug? You guys make my life better. Thank you.