Last week  our local news reported a story that just ripped my heart out. A 12 year old boy playing in his own backyard had been swept away by a flash flood. Gone. Just like that. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I found out via twitter that the beautiful boy lost was the son of a local blogger. Local to me. Right around the corner and a blogger. I have never met her or her children, I’ve never read her blog before… I’m not sure how we never connected  as she is another spray paint everything thing that doesn’t move thrift store kinda gal just like me. I did what so many of us did, I went to her blog and  ‘met’ her family. I cried at the pictures of her beautiful boy and gorgeous girl dressed in their uniforms ready for the first day of school. 7th and 5th grade.

Now only one of them will go to school.

I found myself reading and reading and reading. I read her whole blog.  I had only intended to stop by and leave a comment telling her my heart was with her. Because it was. It is.  But one post led to another and then I liked her. A lot. So I just read and read and read. She is funny, she has the same kind of humor I do. I laughed along with her at life’s foibles and loved seeing her household projects.  I wished I’d known of her blog before the tragedy. I wish I’d been following all along. I wish I could do SOMETHING. Anything to ease her pain.  Share her burden.

Maybe that is why I and so many others ran to her blog, not to rubberneck. but to in some tiny way share her burden. To let her know that even if we are in the internet, we are THERE. We are trying to make sense of it and coming up with nothing.Nothing. How can a beautiful boy be here one minute and then gone the next? Maybe we all hug our children closer and think of Anna and her Jack. Maybe we hug our children for Anna who can no longer hug her son.

I’m not sure. There is a part of me who wants to march over to her home and scoop her up in my arms and hold her. Just hold her and let her cry and cry along with her. Of course she has people who actually know her to do this. She certainly doesn’t need some stranger from blogland to do it. She has her family. I hope that she knows in some small way, that when her husband wraps his arms around her as she wraps her arms around her daughter that I am in my heart wrapping my arms around all of them. Perhaps you are too. And around my arms and your arms and her husband’s and hers are God’s.


I’m holding you close Anna. For now that will have to be enough as I am powerless to do more. You have all my thoughts and prayers.



Sometimes love through the internet has to Just Be Enough.


26 thoughts on “Heartsick.

  1. Your heart is so big Steph. I wept for Anna, my heart broke for her. I cannot imagine her grief, and in my own small way, I hugged her every night before I went to sleep, in hope that she can somehow feel all these virtual strangers wrapping her up in love and warmth. Do you think she can? I like to think she can.

  2. I also had never been to Anna’s site before hearing about her tragedy. And I will never forget the heartbreak I felt for you and her family when I saw the pictures of her beautiful boy on his first day of school. My heart goes out to her everyday.

    • Thank you so much for coming by. Please tell Anna, as am sure you already have, that all of the internet is praying for her family and holding them close. Maybe someday when the time is right our paths will cross and there will be some laughs along with some tears. Thank you for holding the link up. It was lovely to read your words, as you know her, and the words of others like me who just can’t make sense of such a loss.
      Thank you.

    • It’s unbelievable isn’t it? The internet gets a bad rap sometimes, but it truly is wonderful at times like these. I just wish there weren’t times like these.

    • I felt odd writing about someone else’s loss, especially someone I don;t know. But I hope in some way this lets her know how I am thinking and praying for her, and I know you are too. Thank you so much for your kind comment, I appreciate it more than you’ll know.

  3. Beautifully said. I feel the same way. Those first-day-of-school pics are beautiful — and heartbreaking. Wish we could make it all better. But virtual hugs and prayers and love are a start.

    Thanks for sharing.

    • The children are just so beautiful and happy in those pictures, aren’t they? love that they are kids…real kids having a childhood. That speaks to the kind of parents Anna and her husband are. Thank you so much for commenting and letting me I am not alone in wanting to send them virtual hugs.

    • Yes, we do. Like I said I wish I had known her before this happened because she is hilarious and awesome. Her blog just cracked me up and several times I thought man! I could have written that! Or man, I wish I HAD written that! I feel her loss so strongly…Did you read Kate’s update about the service? She says it was amazing, and I don’t find that surprising one bit.

  4. I know all of us can understand your impulse to share the pain and reach out. It was just such an occurrence that got me blogging in the first place. Whether it’s through tragedy or otherwise doesn’t change how relationships happen. So glad you’ve found Anna. Thank you for this lovely tribute.

    • I cannot wrap my brain around it. How can he just be gone? I heard on the news she had called them inside and they were on their way in the house. His little sister made it in, but he didn’t. That just rips my heart apart. I want to do something, but I don’t know her. And it’s not about me obviously…but I wish I could turn back time for their family and bring Jack back.

  5. This is so incredibly sad. It really brings home how tenuous and fragile life is. It’s so heartbreaking to see those first day of school pictures, and know the loss they felt the very next day. The very next day! It’s so hard to wrap our heads around it. Now all we can do is wrap our hearts around theirs.

  6. We are all hugging our kids tighter right now. I just finished my own post about this. Took me forever, since I kept having to stop to blow my nose and dry my eyes. I just can’t wrap my mind around it. Oh, why do we not have super powers capable of reversing time? Hugs to you, too.

  7. This just about ripped my heart out last week. I definitely understand your feelings. I wish there was a way to help, just as I wished I could help Jennifer Perillo when her husband passed last month, and so many other people whose pain somehow becomes our pain because we know that it could easily be us on the receiving end. When food bloggers were making peanut butter pies in memory of Jennifer’s husband, my own husband (as he ate a piece of pie) commented on how nasty and ugly the internet can be…and how unlike the rest of the internet bloggers seem to be. Because we do offer anything we can in support. Like you, I hope it’s enough.

  8. My heart aches for her… as I have heard so many tragic things about parents loosing their kids to everything under the sun… Your post made me cry.. and not just tears but big walk-to-the-bathroom-and-sob sob’s… Life is sooo unfair so often.

    Lots of hugs and prayers going out to Anna and so many other’s… life is fragile and unfair and unjust in these moments….

  9. You have put in several paragraphs how I as well as many others must feel. That kind of tragedy is difficult to grasp. I also went to her blog and saw her beautiful children. So very, very sad.

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