The truth is this weekend sucked. The Boss has a particularly dramatic case of the Preschool Plague. Not that the Boss himself is dramatic, but this particular strain of the Preschool Plague features such lovely symptoms as a coughing until vomiting, red watery eyes and a fantasical fever 104.
It’s been a blast.
The truth is am exhausted. The truth is that TOTT and I spent all weekend at each others throats. The truth is everything I said was misunderstood and everything he said was misconstrued. We were quite a pair.
The Boss spent the first night feverish and delirious, not sleeping in bed with me. Huckleberry tucked in his small bed next to mine. TOTT spent the night sleeping peacefully on the couch, thinking he was doing the right thing as The Boss wanted only me, saying “go away daddy!” The truth is I hated him. I needed him and he wasn’t there. The moment I would get poor Boss settled was the moment Huckleberry would wake to nurse. As soon as I moved from my first babies side to tend to the second the first would scream out.It was an all night battle to get them both to sleep. One waking the other at all times. Lather, rinse, repeat. I believe I slept about an hour that night broken up into three 20 minute periods.
The next day was hard. TOTT was at work and then at a work dinner. The truth is I did not resent him for this. Work is important. Working hard is how TOTT cares for our family. The truth is by the time he got home at 10 p.m. I had both boys asleep and was tucked in bed with Grey’s Anatomy, finally if only until one of them woke, I was off duty.
The truth is my wonderful husband thought he was helping. He hadn’t been home, he didn’t know just how sick Boss was.He brought him to bed with me and then left, went down stairs to take out his contacts, rest a bit and then come back and help me.An important bit of information I didn’t have.
The truth is I felt abandoned. I felt like I had been off duty and he put me right back on and left. The truth is this is NOT what he intended. But on 1 hour of sleep and a day of taking care of a very sick kid I was not exactly, how you say….rational?
The truth is I marched downstairs and flipped out on him. I was exhausted, making no sense at all. He thought I was mad he had gone to work,mad he had to go to the dinner. I wasn’t. I thought he wasn’t giving me enough, I don’t know what, credit? props? pats on the back? for having not slept and for having taken care of our babies.
The truth is when you are in the trenches it’s hard to not turn on one another. The truth is marriage isn’t always pretty. The truth is sometimes even when we mean to help, we hurt. The truth is we fight. The truth is we both felt unheard, unappreciated and yes, we both were oh-so-tired at the same time which is a recipe for marital strife.
The truth is I love him more than anything (except the boys and that’s a different kind of love) The truth is he loves me too. He made me a bagel with cream cheese this morning so I am taking that as proof that he does.
This weeks prompt for JustBeEnough was The Truth…people I am too tired to come up with anything more than just that. Today, this is my truth. Also? I am eating my feelings and right now they taste like Kit Kats.