The Truth

The truth is this weekend sucked. The Boss has a particularly dramatic case of the Preschool Plague. Not that the Boss himself is dramatic, but this particular strain of the Preschool Plague features such lovely symptoms as a coughing until vomiting, red watery eyes and a fantasical fever  104.

It’s been a blast.

The truth is am exhausted. The truth is that TOTT and I spent all weekend at each others throats. The truth is everything I said was misunderstood and everything he said was misconstrued. We were quite a pair.

The Boss spent the first night feverish and delirious, not sleeping in bed with me. Huckleberry tucked in his small bed next to mine. TOTT spent the night sleeping peacefully on the couch, thinking he was doing the right thing as The Boss wanted only me, saying “go away daddy!” The truth is I hated him. I needed him and he wasn’t there. The moment I would get poor Boss settled was the moment Huckleberry would wake to nurse. As soon as I moved from my first babies side to tend to the second the first would scream out.It was an all night battle to get them both to sleep. One waking the other at all times. Lather, rinse, repeat. I believe I slept about an hour that night broken up into three 20 minute periods.

The next day was hard. TOTT was at work and then at a work dinner. The truth is I did not resent him for this. Work is important. Working hard is how TOTT cares for our family.  The truth is by the time he got home at 10 p.m. I had both boys asleep and was tucked in bed with Grey’s Anatomy, finally if only until one of them woke, I was off duty.

The truth is my wonderful husband thought he was helping. He hadn’t been home, he didn’t know just how sick Boss was.He brought him to bed with me and then left, went down stairs to take out his contacts, rest a bit and then come back and help me.An important bit of information I didn’t have.

The truth is I felt abandoned. I felt like I had been off duty and he put me right back on and left. The truth is this is NOT what he intended. But on 1 hour of sleep and a day of taking care of a very sick kid I was not exactly, how you say….rational?

The truth is I marched downstairs and flipped out on him. I was exhausted, making no sense at all. He thought I was mad he had gone to work,mad he had to go to the dinner. I wasn’t. I thought he wasn’t giving me enough, I don’t know what, credit? props? pats on the back? for having not slept and for having taken care of our babies.

The truth is when you are in the trenches it’s hard to not turn on one another. The truth is marriage isn’t always pretty. The truth is sometimes even when we mean to help, we hurt. The truth is we fight. The truth is we both felt unheard, unappreciated and yes, we both were oh-so-tired at the same time which is a recipe for marital strife.

The truth is I love him more than anything (except the boys and that’s a different kind of love) The truth is he loves me too. He made me a bagel with cream cheese this morning so I am taking that as proof that he does.

 

This weeks prompt for JustBeEnough was The Truth…people I am too tired to come up with anything more than just that. Today, this is my truth. Also? I am eating my feelings and right now they taste like Kit Kats.

 

17 thoughts on “The Truth

  1. Urgh, so sorry you had a terrible time, and poor Boss. I hope he’s all better.

    And you’re right about the truth of marriage. It’s not always rainbows and unicorns. But you love each other and that’s what matters. Hang on in there.

  2. Man, Stephanie, I felt like I was reliving some not so good parenting days when I read your post. Those nights (and the days that follow!) are really hard. Amen for partners who do care, even if we can’t see it because we’re so exhausted. Hope everyone is feeling well soon.

  3. Hugs to you and TOTT. Boy have we lived this. Sometimes it feels like months and months and months before we’re both on different planes, but not. And then others, it feels like we can’t sync up and get on the same page for days or weeks on end. Marriage is hard, but when made on love and (mostly) good communication, it can weather anything. Sending get well wishes and sleepy, sweet dreams to all!

  4. When times get tough…it is so true that we all turn on each other…but that doesn’t mean that we don’t love each other right?
    i’m so sorry that the weekend was rough for all of you. Hugs

  5. I swear my husband drives me bananas – but since PPD I have a new love for him. With all my craziness – he’s still there. Still loving. Still being him. That is the best when you can flip but still be there for each other.

    I’m sorry the weekend was so rough for you. Hope he gets better quickly ((hugs))

  6. Oh Mama, we have all been there. Bless you that you have the ability to recognize it all and work through it. Hope the Boss is on the mend! And that you are getting some rest!

  7. You deserve as many Kit Kats as you want. These early days (weeks? months?) are so hard and it feels like most of the burden is on us as moms. We all go through these rough patches. Hope you and everyone else gets to feeling better soon.

  8. Yes, yes, and yes. Been there. Just a few days ago. I am so sorry that you had to go through such a weekend–and I hope that the Boss starts to feel better soon and that you can get some well deserved rest. xo

  9. You know what’s amazing, though? That you have the ability to see what really happened. To see past all the hurt and the anger, to the facts and the reality- to see the sleep deprivation and the different ways two different people see a situation, and the hard work you both had to do. You must have a strong and open heart to see that.

    Now, I hope you get some sleep!

  10. Anyone who doesn’t see that marriage takes work is just not paying attention.

    I have to echo what stardustdawn said – seeing past the hurt is amazing, truly! Hoping you get some rest, stat.

  11. Oh, man. I’m sorry. We’ve had weekends like that & it just sucks. It’s hard because even though you both love each other & have the same goal for your family, everyone’s stressed and tired and sick and you just can’t see eye-to-eye. Hang in there. Hugs!

  12. I hope Boss is feeling better and that you’re back to sleeping now!

    So your feelings taste like Kit Kats too, huh? Mine have lately as well but only because we had them left over from Halloween. Normally they taste like pasta. 😉

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