This and every morning.

in which you see the chaos that is our bedroom.

I am a the bed must be made person. Right away. First thing or I can’t relax. The Boss is a the bed must be my stage person. Right away. First thing or well…

So I make the bed, and tears ensue. This, and every morning.

But then the fun begins. For Boss. Not so much for me.

after this happens I think the same thing, this and every morning…why not just DON’T make the bed!

But honestly? I think we both enjoy the ritual. Or rather, he enjoys it and I enjoy him. And really? I can make the bed for years to come.  He will only be three and a half once.

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A strange side effect.

As my husband is well aware, in the last oh…six months or so I have begun collecting clothes. Cute sweaters, shoes, new pants and skirts and my very favorite…DRESSES! I’ve really begun to rediscover my style and what I am comfortable wearing and not. Sometimes I buy something and wear it for a few and then decide I HATE it. That stinks.

It started the other day when we were headed to soccer, I came downstairs dressed in leggings, boots and sweater and *gasp* accessories, TOTT looked at me and said “Whoa! Where are you going?” I said “SOCCER!” Then reminded him that when we met I used to wear clothes and make up and like comb my hair and stuff!
The next morning I came downstairs in jeans, a tank, a cardi, and a long necklace. Boss took one look at me and said “Where we going Mommy?”

So. According to my boys, my actually wearing clothes- even totally casual clothes- is a special occasion. Duuuuuuuude. That’s not cool. Someday soon I hope that they will just accept that if Mommy is dressed and has like, lip gloss on, it’s NOT like a stop in your tracks event.

Luckily for me I had an actual place to go this weekend! Like three of them! Soccer, our very first preschool birthday party for Boss’ best friend and then the final day of Listen To Your Mother auditions. So yeah…Mommy IS dressed and she’s going somewhere! Yay. Me.

The side effect of this is, I not only want to get dressed now but I DO want to go places! The only real question is; wants to go get coffee? Complete with crazy toddler and snuggly 8 month old?

 

 

What I wore: Sweater – no idea but if I was a betting woman I’d bet Target. Shirt and Tank: H&M. Pants: JCrew Shoes: Target baby, love em!  Earrings: Nordstrom Necklace: Valentines gift from TOTT Bracelets: monogram bangles from Lisa Stewart and Grandma’s vintage monogram from 1941

linking to Stepping Out Saturday.

 

It’s kinda like a cult, there is no escape


You know how when you quit something you absolutely love, something you’ve lived and breathed your whole life, you kinda need to not be around it for a while? That was me with the theatre. I found as I was working in Los Angeles that I loved doing commercials and soaps, so much fun…but all I really wanted to do was theatre. It didn’t matter if it was a theatre over a bowling alley, under a restaraunt, the Comedy Store, or my beloved Road Theatre in an old water and power building. I wanted to be in the theatre. I gave up paid working experiences on film to do small theatre.
Then I had a baby and had we stayed in Los Angeles I would have been back auditioning commerically as soon as I could walk. But we moved. To Ohio. And now to DC. I have done several things here, voice overs, spec commercials, the oft cast government industrial and of course America’s Most Wanted…but no theatre. And I thought I was fine.
Then Kate and I went to check out theatres for Listen To Your Mother. I am blessed beyond measure to be directing the DC show along with one of the Kate who is my producer, again, blessed beyond measure to have her. She’s awesome.
We walked into the Synetic Theatre and there were the actors, stretching and warming up. The theatre has a certain smell, not a bad one, but one of stale air, old scripts and costumes. It’s a heavenly smell if you are one of us, it’s intoxicating. My toes pointed in my shoes, my spine straightened and I yearned, yes that’s the right word, I positively yearned to be on that stage warming up.

This weekend I sat on a small couch as almost 25 women bravely sat before Kate and I and shared their stories of motherhood. Each hoping to connect, each hoping to be chosen for the show. I have cast shows before, I’ve been on ‘this side of the desk’ as they say, but this was different. Non-actors baring their souls through their own words. Some were funny, but most were not sad but poignant, aching, and lovely.
10 to 12 spots and 25 more women auditioning this week. 50 hopefuls. I’m devastated just thinking about it. So many stories.

Our friend Robert is in town from New York to design the set for You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown and after a raucous dinner at our house he invited is, kids and all, to the dress rehearsal. It was so fun…but again. I yearned, yearned to be on stage. The Boss sat mezmorized the entire time. Laughing in all the right spots and once even calling out “Oh Charlie Brown!” which got an awe and a laugh from everyone in the audience. He didn’t want to leave. He wanted to go back to the stage. He wanted us to talk about all the actors, he wanted to look down into the orchestra pit again and again.

He is one of us. It’s inescapable. I am extra grateful now for Listen To Your Mother because for the next few months I get to tie both of the things I love most in this world together in one beautiful, heartbreaking love knot. Motherhood and the theatre.

Treat Yo Self

The day after Susan passed away the two teeth that had been driving Huck to distraction finally popped through. His first two chompers.
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And after 2 and a half months of my incessant calling; the neurologist finally gave us the results of our Huckleberry’s EEG. Normal.

And there was much celebrating in the land.
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I seriously think Susan got to heaven and got to work, because there were so many stories that we shared just like this at the funeral. Perhaps it’s just those of us left behind looking for signs and reasons why. But I choose to think that Susan, a mother to her very core, free from this mortal coil, tied up some loose ends.
She was my role model and she still is.

Have a wonderful weekend! Hug your kids, have some fun and as they say on Parks and Rec “Treat yo self!”

 

A special treat for the Boss

I picked Boss up from preschool and was told with big smiles all around that he went potty all by himself at school! He was so proud of himself that my heart practically burst. And so it was with that in mind we headed off to Starbucks for a very special treat.

It had nothing to do with the fact that I wanted a latte at all. Promise.

“It’s like snow…in a cup!”
Special treat

“it makes my brain cold!”
Sweet boy

Sweet boy. He’s growing up so fast!

Cheese and crackers.

I brought cheese and crackers. Cheese and crackers. For some reason I feel like my grandfather used that as a cursing phrase which is so silly because he was far too fond of any and all variations of ‘damn’ to use something innocuous like cheese and crackers. Damn dog! Damnit Stephie eat something. Goddamn it Stephie you get too fat and no man  will want you!

He was an utter delight, she types with sarcasm dripping from the tips of her fingers. He lived well into his 80’s, the nurses telling him he was so mean even the old man’s friend (pnuemonia) didn’t want to help him out.

Susan Niebur was an utter delight, she defined delight, she lived into her 30’s.

SusanandHuck
No damn fair.

I find my inner monologue sounding a lot like a toddler the last week or so. No! No Fair! Mine! (No, Susan was not mine, she was her husband and children’s, her parents and her best friend Marty’s. She was Jean’s, she was so many other people’s before she was mine, I can’t claim her…but by MINE! I mean here, this world. I suppose she wasn’t any of ours, she was God’s.)

I feel like raging to the Heavens and screaming at God. Those boys, her beautiful, sweet boys.

I bought a new skirt and some waterproof mascara. I can’t quite fit into the prepregnancy skirts of yore and the mascara was a known excercise in futility, but I handed over my card nontheless.

I used cookie cutters, shaping the cheese slices into crescent moons, stars and planets. Such a silly thing to do but it gave me a task. For a moment I wondered if the adults would think it was stupid or trite then discarded that thought because I knew I was doing it for the boys. I can’t pick them up and hug them, wrap them in my arms and never let them go. Maybe they would smile at the stars for mommy.

I know I will always look up at the real stars and smile thinking of WhyMommy.

One week ago today I sat surrounded by some of the most amazing, talented and kind women I have ever known, The DCMoms. We sat together, dabbing our eyes and sniffling at the loss of the most beautiful among us. We sat together just a few pews back from where I had sat at Susan’s baptism, dabbing my eyes and sniffling that day as well, but from happiness Susan beaming as she became a catholic.

Afterwards we somberly went to the reception, the same room where we had celebrated her birth as a Catholic. I saw many of the same faces, ones that smiled from their souls on her baptism now smiling with saddened souls. As it happens at funerals, people began to reminisce about Susan. Slowly the smiles were in earnest and you could hear a laugh here and there.

And the boys, those beautiful boys chasing each other around the room, giggling, punching each other playfully in the shoulder, all the while chomping on star shaped cheese.

Goodbye beautiful Susan. I wish I had gotten to say good bye in person. Maybe you know, now that you are on the other side, how you changed my life, changed me. There is a tendency to make those who have gone saint like, but Susan? You were human, you were flawed, you struggled but always, even in your darkest times you always showed grace. At the reception Jessica told me I was “your girl” and then we held each other and cried. You looked out for me, you led me, you taught me and I will forever feel your loss. Not just for what you gave me…but just you. Just you. Your spirit, soul and heart. I’ll try to make you proud.

Your body couldn’t contain how great your spirit was. But God I wish it had.

One week since we said good bye to you and life is going on. We get up, we get the kids breakfast, we celebrated Valentine’s day knowing that your sweethearts didn’t have you to hold. We have even laughed a time or two. But you are never far from our minds. You never will be.

Reading Little Pookie to Boss the other day, the final passage seemed different to me.

The Night winds are blowing

there are stars all above you

goodnight Little Pookie

I love you and love you

and love you and love you and love you and love you.

 

The night winds are blowing, there are stars all above you, goodnight sweet Susan. I love you and love you. And love you and love you and love you and love you.

overheard at our house…and the winner is!

Overheard at our house: “no daddy! they’re not singing bi-curious George!”


(to be fair it is my fault daddy was singing it that way, I swear it sounds like that’s what they’re singing! You’re welcome.)

Instead of boring old random.org I decided to allow {read:force} The Boss to pick the winner! He was really excited this time!

All the numbers anxiously waiting to be chosen:

Then I mixed up the numbers one more time, just for good measure.
I might have made a Toy Story “claw” joke right about here:

the winner!

Congratulations to commenter #20 Ashley from Mama of all trades!~
Ashley, check out the site and shoot me an email (dial m for minky at gmail. com) with your blanket choice!
Ashley has 48 hours to respond and if she doesn’t Boss will pick another winner.

Enjoy Ashley!