I think I’m broken

You guys? I think I might be broken. I mean,  everyone with the same chromosomal make up as yours truly is all ahem, worked up over two things. 1. 50 Shades of Grey and 2. Magic Mike.

I’ve no interest in either. In fact when I saw the preview for Magic Mike it was all I could do to not scream out “that furniture is UGLY!” Also Matthew McConaughey makes me need  Silkwood Shower and a shot of penicillin the moment my eyes set upon him. Plus he was all on the Today Show saying how weird it was to be nekkie and dance like that. Uh-huh.  Me thinks the guy who was arrested naked playing the bongos and hardly ever wears a shirt protests too much.

Mike, I will never want this wagon wheel coffee table. 🙂

As for Christian Grey and Anna Steele…maybe I am just a 12 year old boy at heart but I think I would just giggle the whole time. Maybe it’s awesome and I am really missing out, but I get the giggles just thinking about reading it. Also apparently there is a lot of spanking. The word spanking makes me giggle. Spank. Ing. I am so mature.

Or maybe it’s just that I hear Ellen DeGeneres reading it in my head and that gives me the giggles.

Are we women SO uptight and high strung in real life that we need these seemingly teenage escapes to unleash up? (mind you…I’m not judging; whatever floats your boat!) I mean, a movie about male strippers and a national craze over a book whose craftmanship has been referred to as stilted and relies on tropes that anyone who’s ever sat through 15 minutes of a high school writing workshop would know to avoid.   (cough, Twilight, cough)

Maybe I am broken and wrong and Magic Mike’s random furniture creations are in fact incredible and I should be rethinking my whole decor style. Maybe you’ll riot and demand that I turn in my woman membership card. All I know is neither of these  make “My inner goddess [is] do[ing] the merengue with some salsa moves.

Her inner goddess is dance confused. Poor inner goddess.

 

 

18 thoughts on “I think I’m broken

  1. I was beyond over male strippers by the time I was 25 in the 80’s and I’m not touching 50 Shades of Gray and I’m already sick of hearing about that book (even my friends are telling me about it, so I further see no need to read it…) The ONLY reason I would even think of watching Magic Mike is because comic Gabiel Ingelis (forgive spelling please) has a role in it…and he’s a “Fluffy” guy… I worry about me too…but I chalk my “brokeness” to still recovering from recent surgery and last week’s cold (first one in 3 years.) Believe you me Stephanie, you are not alone in this mindset…

  2. you had me laughing throughout– totally agree about the silkwood shower. ewwwwww matthew!!!! don’t know where you’ve been; don’t want to go there w/ you, dude.

  3. After reading the reviews for 50 Shades, I’m not going anywhere near it. I have several friends and family members who are all, “OMG! What do you MEAN you haven’t read it yet???” I read romance (not erotica, let me be clear. Erotica is just too much for my eyes.) every day and am a pretty harsh reviewer of them. If it doesn’t have a plot, story flow, and decent mastery of the English language, I usually finish the book upset that I spent any time and/or money on it.

    As for Magic Mike, I wouldn’t mind seeing the movie, but it is not near the top of my must do list. My mom went and saw it and said it had too little dancing. One of my best friends saw it and said it had too much plot. All I’m looking for when I see a movie is to not want the previous 2 hours of my life and $10 back. If it meets that criteria, I have a babysitter, and there’s nothing better out, then I’d see Magic Mike.

  4. I read the Grey trilogy and will readily admit the writing is bad. Very bad. At 45 years old, I had never read “erotica” before so I wanted to see what the fuss was all about. I read the first book and then wanted to see how the characters ending up. They were a quick read but by the end of the 2nd book I was totally bored but had already purchased the 3rd book so I read it too. The poor writing and stupid storyline got in their own way. i think the problem is that the author is British but the books take place in Seattle. The dialogue and interaction between the two characters was so forced it was distracting. I kept saying to myself “Who talks like this????”

  5. I enjoyed 50 Shades… Not enough to reread it 50 times, like I did Twilight, but Magic Mike convinced me to remain Muggle.

  6. I could totally see your point of view but I love having the giggles, so I didn’t mind 50 Shades at all. I think Magic Mike’s furniture would’ve improved if he used more wood. I have so many things to dissect in my life, that both this book and movie delivered much-needed silly, fun escapes and lots of laughs with my girlfriends.

  7. I am right there with you. No interest in either. I also didn’t read Twilight or Hunger Games or see the movies so please take my pop culture card away.

    • Honestly it is a shame that The Hunger Games gets lumped in with these other two because it was an excellent series. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time and I really cared about those characters.

      which kinda pissed me off.

      • Preach it, sister.

        As for the books being lumped together unfairly, I totally agree. I adored The Hunger Games. Twilight? Twilight was Not Good. And if Fifty Shades of Grey started as Twilight fan-fic, that’s plenty of reason for me to stay far far FAR away from it.

        As for Magic Mike? Please. I think Channing Tatum looks like a block of wood. And Matthew McConaughey? Yuck. I think I need a REAL shower, just typing his name out.

  8. So I read all the 50 shades & saw Magic Mike! Loved all of them! Would I read it again or see it again…maybe, maybe not! But I will say this, I don’t even think you really SEE his furniture in the movie! As for 50, it maybe be written very poorly, but it is a GREAT love story…with spanking in-between!!!! 😉

  9. I am seriously with you on this. I don’t see the draw of either! And it’s not like my husband and I have some super exciting sex life to make up for it, I swear we don’t. I’m not a prude either, I’m down with sex and being sexy and feeling sexy. But, I kind of find it weird how women are trying to objectify men in the way they objectify us, and it doesn’t really work that way. I’m just not into it. Also–Magic Mike–I don’t really like my men like that. Is that weird? I like them with a little hair. And not working so hard to show me their six pack abs. Just a normal, natural man.

  10. Girl please, you’re not broken. I read all 50 shades for no reason other than I wasn’t reading anything else. Now, I’m not a prude in any sense of the word and have had my share of **ahem** sexual experiences, so nothing that I read made me think “oh. my. God. people do that?!” Maybe except for the part where Christian has his maid clean his sex toys when he’s done with them cause really? Ew. Clean your own sex toys. The writing is not necessarily up to par as the reviews you’ve read have said. The author is highly repetitive and I kept pushing through because I wanted to see where she was going with the character development. I did enjoy the relationship Christian and Anna shared. But really? The sex that they had was unrealistic at times, too, but I’ve never read erotica so maybe that’s the point. You ain’t missin’ nothin. It’s not like you’ll be so enlightened as a human being and want to go out and do something with your new found knowledge.

    Now, Magic Mike. I didn’t give a shit what it was about. Channing Tatum makes my black loins purr. And, you know, since I’m really persnickety about my white boys when they’re hot to me, they’re HOT so I really just wanted to see his fine ass percolating his groin area on a large screen. The movie plot was dumb and if they weren’t in the strip club showing dancing I was sitting there thinking. Um… next!

    So yeah. You’re not broken.

  11. I have friends who still go to see male strippers. I used to go years ago, but I was out to be out, always disappearing when the regular music went off and the dancers started, well, sweatily gyrating. And then they’d sometimes want to actually touch people. Um, those are not husband hands. I’ma need you to back on up with that sock filled fake floppy penis. As for Magic Mike…meh. If someone were paying for me to see it, I’d surely go but I’m not gonna spend my own money on it. And the Grey. I trudged through the first book, oftentimes putting it down because I was irritated with the author saying the same thing, usually the same way or I kept thinking is this it? Where’s the sex that’s gonna make my eyes pop out of my head, touch myself in the bathroom stall at work, or rush home to my husband because oh, the prose makes me lusty? (Seriously, it doesn’t take much to turn me on so maybe I was just looking for something super spectacular after all the hype and, well, no). It wasn’t awful but I had no interest in continuing the series either. And now there’s supposed to be a movie. Gag. I’ve always hated soft porn. You are unbroken.

  12. Girl, you aren’t broken. Or if you are, you have company. I have no desire to see Magic Mike. I had no desire to read the Grey. My mom handed me the first book and told me to at least try it; I read to page 93 or 94. Nothing dirty to speak of by that point, but (in my opinion) horrible writing. HORRIBLE. The author (should I be ashamed that I don’t even know the author’s name?) can’t build a character and writes (again, in my opinion) at an 8th grade level…..so, you aren’t missing much and I wish I had those couple hours of my life back or at least invested in a book that I intend on finishing….

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