So this happened…

You guys? I’m just…meh. Lately I am just meh. So blah I don’t even have a real word for it.  Meh. I’m not sure if it’s that my birthday is coming up and I’m feeling introspective as to what I have accomplished this year and how I’m not that much further along in finding a new career but am so much farther along in being comfortable as a mother and even farther along in slaying the dragon that is postpartum anxiety.

Note: Boss is obsessed with Mike the Knight so there’s a lot of dragon talk around the house lately.

Maybe it’s that I self inflicted some angst upon myself by taking the bull by the horns to find a place of our own, fell in love with a place, and then we decided to wait just a few more months and save some more money so we can decorate etc. The right decision, I know this, but just…ugh.  The place was small, only 932 sq. feet. But the moment I walked in I could SEE our life there, you know? And Max loved it. Boo was happily racing up and down the hall as fast as he could crawl and Zach was doing the big eyed head nod. You know the one; the this is good, we could do this but be cool about it. The woman who owned it? Well she loved us too. In fact before she leased it to someone else she checked back just one more time to make sure our sweet boys didn’t want to live there. There was even a yard. UGH!

But it’s the right choice. Soon, soon Pinterest will need more bandwith and you will all be subjected to countless how to make a rented space my own posts.

It’s still sticky hot here, but grey and sometimes rainy which breaks my brain as I think sweaters! boots! then I open the door and am hit by 90 degrees of hot humidity. But it is actually Fall and so school began for the Boss.

Yup. That about sums it up.

But then this happened and my heart exploded into a billion glittery pegacorns.

Boss had a blast at school and his face when he saw me at the end of the day was just heaven on earth.

Last night as we snuggled before bed he said “Mommy what’s under my skin? What am I made of?” I said “You are made of baseball, rock and roll, and vanilla milk.” He responded “I AM! I AM made of that!”

Maybe I am not so meh after all.

13 thoughts on “So this happened…

  1. I think slaying dragons is a good use of your year! I think feeling a bit “meh” after that is ok! Think of all the adventures this year holds for you…a new place most likely!

    • Thank you! I am so glad to have it under control, at least mostly. I appreciate your encouragement and I ALWAYS appreciate your reading and commenting!

  2. Hope this isn’t a repeat. Don’t think my first comment attempt worked.
    I feel “meh” sometimes too. I know exactly what you mean. But the photos…swoon! Boss’s face saying, “Really Mom, with the camera and the chalkboard. Can’t we just go back inside?” but Huck’s face saying “Brother! Don’t leave me! Come back!”. Love.

  3. I love the “what am I made of” bit…I adore your answer. When you write of Max I always think of my now 11 going on 12 year old nephew Zack (yes, that’s his name) but he’s made of rock and roll and basketball and I’m not sure what flavored milk if any…hugs to you…

  4. I was just saying to a friend, summer is a very strange season. Too much pressure to be HAPPY! Makes the normal “mehs” seem extra party pooperish (something I don’t think I’ve ever typed before…)

    This is a weird birthday too. Transitions are tough. Babies becoming kids…also kind of scary. And don’t get me started on the whole career thing. I think you are in good company when it comes to feeling both meh and not meh simultaneously.

  5. I don’t know about you, but my birthday always puts me in a funk.

    Once that week is over, I try for business as usual. But it’s the same with me: just not good self talk, reminding myself of all my shortcomings and goals unreached.

    Then, BAM, the heart explosion of an “I love you, mom” and whaaa??? How could I EVER forget all that I’m blessed with.

    But, I do. Because I’m human.

    WHich is why we’re so dang lucky to have each other.

    I love the internet. Love that you posted, sweet lady.

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