Max (1 of 1)
Four is such a big kid. I remember things from when I was four. Four is making friends you may know your whole life. Four is having full conversations with those friends. Four is knowing what you like and what you don’t like. Four is definitely not a baby. My baby is four today.


In four short years you have taught me more about life and love than I ever thought possible. You love fiercely and those you love you protect with all your might. Sometimes at night you snuggle up next to me and as you nuzzle your face into my neck you whisper “don’t worry mommy, I’ll protect you.” I believe it too. Huck is now into all your stuff and yet you rarely get annoyed. Today as you two were splashing and giggling in the bath Huckie got water in his eyes. You quickly asked me for a washcloth and then gently wiped his eyes dry.

You hold the door on the elevator for me every time so I don’t get “squished”. You are constantly figuring things out and I am frequently told  “Actually mommy, that’s a kids baseball game!” or- and this is one of my favorites  ” Medieval Times… Oh! Of course! Mike the Knight is like Medieval Times for kids!” Your love for Green Day still runs strong. We may have to have a chat about which intro/outros are appropriate for pre-school concerts. I confess I thrill to hear you cry ” ALL RIGHT ENGLAND!” as you launch into a song. You alternate rock and roll with baseball all day and Huck patiently plays whatever instrument you give him or cheers for you from the stands.  I adore it! Even if I am not allowed to sing along.

You celebrate every victory with pure joy. Not only your own victories but everyone around you. “Look mommy! Boo is standing like a big boy! YAY BOO!” Your power of observation is keen and we can slip nothing past you. You hear everything. “Is this Downton Abby?” You asked this morning as PBS came on the TV. You are wickedly funny and your giggle now mingled with Huck’s is my favorite sound on the earth. The two of you already share secrets and gang up on me. You will always be my baby and Huckie may just be YOUR baby. I adore you, all of you. Smart, silly, witty,stubborn, ferocious, willful, precocious, sweet, kind-hearted playful you.

You are mine, or rather I am yours. Daddy is not allowed near me and if he dares to get close or kiss me you cry out “THIS IS NOT A WEDDING!” if we are very good and stay away from one another you lovingly pat my hand and say “mommy you did a good thing, you didn’t kiss daddy.”

And lest I get carried away with how close we are and how much we love one another you find the perfect way to remind me that you are your own person.

Me: Maxie do you want to go with me or grandma?

Max: I just want to stay here. With the Fritos.

Happy Birthday to my own Kitty Boy. I love you to the moon and back, I love all that you will be and everything you are, I love you my wonderful child. I love you and love you and love you and love you.



My sweet Huckleberry, you are ONE. I cannot fathom life without you. Before you were born I worried, as many moms do, how could I love another baby with the all encompassing love I had for your big brother.


When you were born, when your lungs opened up for the first time taking in their first refreshing, shocking life giving gulp of breath- at that exact moment my heart also expanded. My heart grew a new chamber. Each breath of yours is a beat of that chamber. And while I still love your brother with that all encompassing love I have the very same all encompassing love for you. Different but the same. Much as you and your brother are different but the same.

I was always jealous of those your brother gave his love too, wanting to be the brightest star in his sky, so it is with you.But I cannot be too jealous, because the one you love the most, the brightest star in your sky is your brother. You have a smile reserved just for him. A laugh. And a language that only you two share. At your party we asked you what you call Max and you let out a silly polysyllabic squawk – sure enough Max answered. The two of you sit in the back seat of the car and giggle, sharing something we will never understand and neither of you will remember but it makes my heart explode into ten billion shimmers of glitter happiness.

You, Huckie, are a dream come true. We call your spun sugar because you are simply the sweetest baby around. Unless someone takes an iPhone away from you and then there’s hell to pay.

You are my sun, my moon, my breath, my heartbeat. The toughest thing I will ever do in my life is raise you and your brother not to need me, to stand on your own. I love you enough to give it my all.


But you can always come crawling back to mommy.

Just Sitting here on the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity.

{via Pinterest}

Yup. Today is my birthday and  have decided that in this, my thirtieth (again) year I shall simply be awesome.

Oh, I don’t mean that suddenly my head has exploded with ego…no, no. I am still the same insecure wreck I was last year. My brain is still a constant cycle of negative self talk and anxiety. I’m telling you it is a par-tay up in cabeza de Stephania.

However on this, my thirtieth (again) birthday I declare that this year shall be spent letting GO of at least some of that self doubt. Go Dog GO!

Because listen, I am not a size zero. I am not 6 feet tall. I didn’t turn out to be a super model. But I am pretty blessed. First and foremost; my boys, my babies,are here and healthy and just for reals the bombdiggity. Second: I gots me a hubby who is a good honest man and as an added bonus he makes me laugh till my eyes water. Third: Mumsy is awesome. Forth: we live with my in-laws. I know, not normally a blessing, right? But mine are pretty cool and we get to save money to move (soon we hope) and hey! free babysitting! Fourth: I am blessed to love The Boss’ preschool. Even if he doesn’t right now. Sad panda. Fifth: I am resilient. I beat an eating disorder just before it beat me. I moved across the country away from my home and friends and have slowly made a life for myself.My once much abused body rallied and built not one, but two beautiful babies. I’ve struggled with postpartum anxiety and am winning the war. Sixth: super awesome bombdiggity friends. Dub, WWJD, Miss Katie, and all my others. I am so very lucky. I include you, my ‘make believe in the computer friends’. I am grateful for each and every one of you.

For my birthday I declare that you are awesome too. BTW you look great today! yes, you!

Happy Birthday Max!

Hello, Gorgeous!

Dear Sweet Baby Max,

It was right about now that Daddy was insisting we go to the hospital and I was telling him how silly he was because we were all set to check in at 6:00 a.m. You see, I was having these rather painful cramps but I thought I was just nervous about the c-section in the morning.
You sure were stubborn! Getting all wedged in there kitty-corner. I always wondered why you never kicked and once we had that last ultrasound we knew why. You must have been very uncomfortable stuck in there with your legs up over your head! I am so grateful to Dr. K for assuring us that every thing would be ok. And it was!
You did me a big favor on the night of July 25th. I had kind of gotten hung up on arbitrarily picking your birthday, but you knew right when you wanted to be born. Maybe you and Dr. K had a little chat without telling me, but you were ready to get things in gear and come on out one way or the other on the 26th!
Auntie Janice met us at the hospital, Grandma was there and Aunt Jen and Uncle Eddie too. Dub and Zuzu were safely at home anxiously awaiting news of your arrival. Everyone was so excited to meet you. I was so scared of the surgery but so, so happy!
Imagine my surprise when they hooked me up to the monitor and declared I was in labor! Contractions only two minutes apart. You don’t know the phrase yet, but denial ain’t just a river in Egypt. So thank you for releasing me from the worry of picking your birthday. You came right when you were meant too.

Hearing your cry when you came into this world is the best sound I have ever heard. You are full of bests, you know. The first time you recognized me was the best feeling ever, your laugh is the best at lifting my heart, your smile is the best at warming my soul, when your eyes light up you are the best at reminding me there is magic in the world.
Feeling you fall asleep against me is the best, I am completely and utterly content. There is no where I would rather be. And as I know the nights of nursing you to sleep are further gone than we have ahead of us, I am so thankful to you Baby Max for teaching me so much about peace, about happiness and about divinity.
I’ve heard the phrase ‘A child of God’ before and thought…yeah, yeah, we are all children of God. Whatever. But then you were born and I understood the very proof that there is something bigger than us is in your breath, in your wonder, just…in YOU. You are a miracle to me, and now I look at all other babies as miracles too. You are what life is all about, children.
It’s pretty easy for me to get carried away in the sentimentality of your first birthday, so I’ll try to resist and just say thank you for being born. For being so perfectly you. For sharing your food with strangers, for offering your toys to others, for laughing at the puppy, for climbing over everything to get to me. I cannot wait to see what this next year holds for us, Stinker. Because this year has been amazing. I love you so much, unconditionally and for exactly who you are at this moment. I will strive to always do that…let you be who you are and not what I remember or wish.
You are so fun that I know it will be easy. And while I may long for the snuggly baby days, I am certain that you will teach me how great the toddler years are, and then school age, and then teenage….ok maybe not teenage, let’s just agree to get through that one as best we can and still love one another alright?
You are the coolest person I know, the handsomest and the sweetest. It’s gone so fast, it’s hard to say goodbye to this first year!
Happy Birthday Love Bug, Monkey, Stinky D, Baby Max, Potato Baby, Little Nursling. My heart wants to burst with love for you.
Happy First Birthday my Sweet Baby Max

In the words of the lovely Irish Nun who blessed you before we left the Hospital “and God, if there is any thing we’ve forgotten…You know.”