A New Year….Or I went to the White House with Whore Hair so you don’t have too.

The thing about me is that I can never leave well enough alone. So if one is good, then I need two. Two is great but four would be better! And so on and so on and so on. Thus it was with my blondish hair. Oh! It was so lovely…but wouldn’t blonderish be even better? And the next thing you know, I had whore hair. Cheap, bright yellow and orange whore hair.

Actual picture of me:

Okay not really, but when Boss found this old doll of Auntie Keek’s he declared Mommy! You two are the same! you have the SAME hair. Must remember to thank his teacher for really driving home the same/different lesson. Not only was my hair neon orange yellow but it was also the consistency of straw. Glorious, tough straw.

The only thing worse than going in wanting to be blonderish and coming out looking as if Smurfette were turning tricks on the corner to score Meth is if you go in wanting to be blonderish and come out looking as if Smurfette were turning tricks on the corner to score Meth and having to go to the White House that very same night.

Oh yeah.

There was nothing to be done but cancel. Except, you don’t just not show up to the White House, am I right? I mean it’s not like Michelle was meeting me for dinner, but we were invited to tour the East Wing and see the Christmas decorations which are amazing! Zach talked me into it and after my mother in law dried my tears and handed me a diet coke we were on our way.

There was no sugar coating it. Zach tried and I told him not even to mention it or I would cry again. My mother in law tried to convince me it wasn’t that bad. (it was) and my sister in law said nothing. She just pretended my hair wasn’t neon yellow. And that? Was how bad it looked. Kel is my style twin and if she can’t even come up with a kind word…well, we know for sure it was, as they used to say, shiteous.

And it was. And no, I didn’t let anyone take pictures of me, trust me it was for the best.

 

I tried to hold my yellow head up high as our friends were polite enough to only widen their eyes in shock and disbelief for a mere second or two before they recovered and we chatted about anything other that the straw mop top I was sporting to the FREAKING WHITE HOUSE. The decorations this year were more subdued than last year but it was still exquisite. My two favorite decorations are in the State Room which features both the mini White House and the Creche which is beyond exquisite. Sadly none of my pictures of the Nativity turned out. This is what happens when you have an 18 month old grabbing your camera and a 4 year old missing in the East Wing. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that we blinked and Boss was GONE?? Thankfully he found his grandmother and honestly we weren’t too worried. Security was everywhere, still we were half panicked and half joking that he just wanted to see Bo.

My husband has petted Bo. It’s the single thing I am the most jealous of in any of his White House visits.

Luckily for me, nary a Secret Service agent inquired as to why a ghetto orange blond chick like me was invited to the White House. Manners? They’re used to it? I don’t know. I will say that not even in junior high was I as self conscious as I was at the White House. UGH! Two days later after some very intense conditioning my hair was lovingly colored dark ash blond and I was able to rejoin the ranks of the non whoreish haired.

I’ve never been so grateful for chemistry.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday!! This year feels like its going to be a good one, don’t you agree?

ivillage asked Boss what his resolutions for me would be…and he came up with some doozies! (It should be noted that though you can see my hair here it looked WAY worse in real life. WAY WORSE!)

And yeah…mine are…out of reach? pathetic? You decide.

did you make any resolutions?

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My Latest on iVillage…I was in a starter marriage.

I don’t talk a lot about my first wedding. I say wedding because there really was no marriage…just a good party then a lot of ugliness for five years. I wrote about it for Just Be Enough here. iVillage asked me to speak about it so I took a deep breath, put on my big girl pantaloons and gave it a shot. Be gentle. This one was rough…it’s hard to be honest without dragging all the dirty laundry out.

TOMORROW IS THE DAY!!

Whoohoo! It’s bittersweet, leaving this space. This space is where I came into my own. But for a while I’ve felt like this doesn’t fit. Like a favorite old sweater, it’s well loved and worn but just not quite right for me now. So tomorrow the brilliant @Japster will move me from here to my new internet home…Belle Reve. I am both excited and sad about it. I’ll still be Minky, I can’t change who I am and I don’t want too but a new internet home now and hopefully a new in real life home soon! Belle Reve. Beautiful Dream. It’s a good place to be…a good place to grow. Hope to see you there!
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**So exciting news, my very first Op-Ed is up on iVillage! I DO think women can have it all…do you?

Oh Mother’s day….

Sigh. Today I went to my very first pre-school Mother’s Day Tea. I feel like I had a motherhood right of passage and it was adorable. Sometimes being a mother is absurdly beautiful. My little date and I had so much fun together, my sweet first born was really in need of some individual attention.
Much needed.

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because this guy:
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is rocking one bad ass ear infection with a side of 103 hotness. It’s decidedly not awesome. Thankfully he has his blankie from MommaKiss she made it for him and I am pretty sure she knitted it from magical unicorns or possibly kittens. It is just that soft.

And for reals, this right here? Is my favorite iVoices video I have ever, ever done. Because really, I have turned into my mother. At least a little bit. Have you?

Have a WONDERFUL MOTHER’S DAY!

Things I never thought I’d say.

And apparently I am not the only one who has said them, and ahem done them.
Motherhood is weird y’all.

I need to tell you all about Listen To Your Mother. How we filled the house, how we brought that house down, how kick ass it was to be back on stage…but I just need to process a bit. And maybe sleep. Hopefully, but Huck has an ear infection because of course.

This one time at iVillage Band Camp

I don’t know about your high school, but at mine? The band kids were the WILDEST. And they were totally under the radar so they could like party like no ones business and never get a rep.

Buttheads.

Meanwhile I had one crazy bad junior high experience and was branded a slut for ages.

But I don’t need to go on Jerry Springer to get over it, I mean it was a hundred billion years ago. But that epithet has stayed with me throughout my life. I have wavered back and forth between Daddy issue inappropriate attention seeking and utter prissiness. Finally I have settled into happily married lady. Doing the challenge on iVillage was indeed out of my comfort zone and indeed there were several assignments that we just flat out skipped.

I mean really, if I can’t even stare in to my husband’s baby blues without laughing (watch here) what are the chances of us needed a safety word for jiminy’s sake?

I’ll tell ya…NONE.

And that’s okay. We are not those people. If you are, hey, that’s okay too! But as for me and my house just…no.

The challenge is over now but I think we will be keeping the focus on our couple relationship going. This was good for us, really good. Even if I did get the giggles. A LOT.

One thing is for certain, Zach and I need our own show.

 

You can watch the videos right here! Stephanie Dulli on iVillage

p.s. week three is my favorite.

 

 

in which you see my un-finished headboard and perhaps TMI.

{Rome is so romantic}

Oh yeah. What is it about talking about s-e-x that gives me the 8th grade boy giggles? I don’t talk about it at all usually. A very early bad experience and an undeserved and long standing reputation has made me pretty unwilling to share. And really…I am not the gal who puts it all out there on the internet. I read and admire several women who are much more honest and open than I am. I  certainly don’t judge them…but when it comes to my life I am not a big sharer.

Except…except iVillage asked if the handsome husband and I would participate in the Better Sex Better Relationship challenge, and let’s be honest…since the kiddos, postpartum anxiety and y’know economic hardships and living at The American Dream ye olde romantic life has suffered a bit. It’s not that I don’t think he’s hot. It’s not that he doesn’t think I am hot (which boggles my mind because all I see it wobbly tummy, dark circles under the eyes etc where all he sees is the good stuff) so I said to him “wanna do this?” and he said “ummm YES!”

Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, and every other holiday my man.

So, we started the challenge. And then we had to make a video. No, not THAT kind of video. One where we *giggle* talk about our relationship. If you’re looking for down and dirty details, you’ll be dissapointed. But if you want to see how we interact and make each other laugh, then this is the video for you!

I’m trying to convince him we should co-vlog on the regular.

(one of these days I will finish the upholstery tacks along the headboard. It looks so unfinished. Also, paint those horrible green walls. Ugh.)

Watch and giggle VIDEO

I am so chatty today!

First off, thank you all so much for your sweet comments and emails regarding Huckleberry. He is doing really well! We are even working on transitioning him into the crib in The Boss’ room…even though he is still waking every hour. It’s not going well. Any and all happy advice will be graciously and thankfully accepted!
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Today I am kicking it over at iVillage chatting about the weight loss challenge. I am down duh duh duh duh (that was a trumpet fanfare btw) 5 pounds! Yay me!~

I’m also mouthing off about Gay Rights on iVillage. Man, I love me some iVillage today!