A New Year….Or I went to the White House with Whore Hair so you don’t have too.

The thing about me is that I can never leave well enough alone. So if one is good, then I need two. Two is great but four would be better! And so on and so on and so on. Thus it was with my blondish hair. Oh! It was so lovely…but wouldn’t blonderish be even better? And the next thing you know, I had whore hair. Cheap, bright yellow and orange whore hair.

Actual picture of me:

Okay not really, but when Boss found this old doll of Auntie Keek’s he declared Mommy! You two are the same! you have the SAME hair. Must remember to thank his teacher for really driving home the same/different lesson. Not only was my hair neon orange yellow but it was also the consistency of straw. Glorious, tough straw.

The only thing worse than going in wanting to be blonderish and coming out looking as if Smurfette were turning tricks on the corner to score Meth is if you go in wanting to be blonderish and come out looking as if Smurfette were turning tricks on the corner to score Meth and having to go to the White House that very same night.

Oh yeah.

There was nothing to be done but cancel. Except, you don’t just not show up to the White House, am I right? I mean it’s not like Michelle was meeting me for dinner, but we were invited to tour the East Wing and see the Christmas decorations which are amazing! Zach talked me into it and after my mother in law dried my tears and handed me a diet coke we were on our way.

There was no sugar coating it. Zach tried and I told him not even to mention it or I would cry again. My mother in law tried to convince me it wasn’t that bad. (it was) and my sister in law said nothing. She just pretended my hair wasn’t neon yellow. And that? Was how bad it looked. Kel is my style twin and if she can’t even come up with a kind word…well, we know for sure it was, as they used to say, shiteous.

And it was. And no, I didn’t let anyone take pictures of me, trust me it was for the best.

 

I tried to hold my yellow head up high as our friends were polite enough to only widen their eyes in shock and disbelief for a mere second or two before they recovered and we chatted about anything other that the straw mop top I was sporting to the FREAKING WHITE HOUSE. The decorations this year were more subdued than last year but it was still exquisite. My two favorite decorations are in the State Room which features both the mini White House and the Creche which is beyond exquisite. Sadly none of my pictures of the Nativity turned out. This is what happens when you have an 18 month old grabbing your camera and a 4 year old missing in the East Wing. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that we blinked and Boss was GONE?? Thankfully he found his grandmother and honestly we weren’t too worried. Security was everywhere, still we were half panicked and half joking that he just wanted to see Bo.

My husband has petted Bo. It’s the single thing I am the most jealous of in any of his White House visits.

Luckily for me, nary a Secret Service agent inquired as to why a ghetto orange blond chick like me was invited to the White House. Manners? They’re used to it? I don’t know. I will say that not even in junior high was I as self conscious as I was at the White House. UGH! Two days later after some very intense conditioning my hair was lovingly colored dark ash blond and I was able to rejoin the ranks of the non whoreish haired.

I’ve never been so grateful for chemistry.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday!! This year feels like its going to be a good one, don’t you agree?

ivillage asked Boss what his resolutions for me would be…and he came up with some doozies! (It should be noted that though you can see my hair here it looked WAY worse in real life. WAY WORSE!)

And yeah…mine are…out of reach? pathetic? You decide.

did you make any resolutions?

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Careful the things you say…children will listen.

Come to me lovah

 

On Thursday Miss Katie and I had a play date planned for The Boss and her Tommy Boy (Max always calls him Tommy Boy) What should we do,we wondered….the week had been filled with 98 degree weather and crazy humidity so we were all feeling lazy, hot sticky and yet tired of being inside. Luckily for us the weather broke Wednesday night and the next day was to be 80 with a light breeze. Hoo-ray! But still, what to do. What. To. Do.

And then in a beautiful example of kismet this here blogger got a little email inviting me to come to Wolftrap Children’s Theatre in the woods performance of PBS Kids Steve Songs on that very Thursday.Confession: I had no idea who that was. But why yes! We would love your free tickets! And so we headed out to meet Thien Kim and Dawn and their broods and to get our toddler groove on with Steve Songs. The Boss is going through this thing lately where everything is scary and he “doesn’t like anything!” so yes, we had to drag his cute tush to the theatre but once we were there he sat entranced as the opening act Baba  Jamal played a thumb piano and told the story of Jamacanda, who had the ears of a donkey but learned to love what was unique about him. I could have listened to that guy talk for a hundred years. And the Boss? He talked about Baba Jamal for the next two days.  Lucky for me he is a local guy so I am hoping to take The Boss to see him again.

As a performer and a parent I have to say once again how I truly, truly, love and appreciate those who have chosen to become children’s performers. It takes a special kind of person and I don’t think I truly grasped how important they are and how much power they have over our little ones before I had one of my own. I only hope when I was doing children’s theatre I did right by those little ones who wanted to meet me. Steve Songs was adorable. And a quick instagram photo to facebook provided this tidbit: He was my friend Kate’s brother’s college roommate! There you go. My brush with fame! They brought his guitar out before he came out and an open stage with a “coustic” guitar sitting unattended nearly killed my little guy as he stared intently at it willing it to come to him…

Steve does the Flat Stanley

“I learned it by watching YOU!” (tell me you get that reference…)

Steve played for an hour, everything from a song about Flat Stanley to one about opposites where he told the kids to scream YES and they all scream NO! It was too freaking cute. The kids went WILD and even stormed the stage at one time. There is nothing funnier/cuter that 50 2 to 5 year old kids rushing the stage and surrounding the performer! It was hilarious! Of course the stage was cleared quickly except for one almost three year old laying down on the stage refusing to leave, while his mother holding a 6 week old baby begged, pleaded and dragged him towards the audience. Why, yes. The Boss was that kid and I was that mom. Out of nowhere an angel appeared from nowhere…Teachmama! God bless her! She gently took Huck from me and I was able to wrangle my little stage hog into the seating area. She was my saviour!

The beginning of the stage rush!

After the show we settled into the soft grass for a little picnic. Some peanut butter crackers, milk, and jammie sammies! The Boss wandering around us exploring. Suddenly like a shot he took off running into the tall grass! Of course I was nursing Huck so my beloved Katie ran after him and Tommy Boy stayed with me. Sweet boy!

Miss Katie said to The Boss “Come down here. I’m going to count to three! One…”

and The Boss responded “TWO THREE FOUR FIVE!!!”

Miss Katie said “Come down here right now!”

and The Boss responded “I learned about opposites! I STAY HERE!”

At which point a laughing Miss Katie hiked up that hill and brought my mouthy cherub back potato sack style.

So, Steve Songs. Entertaining and educational. Thanks a friggin lot, Steve.

 

 

But for realsies thanks to Diane from WolfTrap for the tickets. We had a great time, even if The Boss now has yet another weapon in his arsenal for getting his way.

P.S. Can you tell I just downloaded instagram? Mama needs to take it down a notch, non?

**discolure:  I got the tickets for free. Didn’t have to blog about it…but we had a good time! If I’ve said it once I’ve said it twice: if you get to do something fun with your kids from blogging jump on it! The Boss had a good time and we had a great play date and all it cost was what I spent at Starbucks on the way to the theatre. Mama needs her java.

 

I hereby rename the Toddler stage “Disaster Machine”

Springsteen exit stage left. There’s a new boss taking over!

The other day as I was blissfully watching a little Law & Order on the stationary bike at the gym when one of the male trainers came out of the day care and said to me “man, your kid is a trip!”

I feel that Max is SO safe at the gym daycare, from the moment we walk in every one who works there says hello to Max, knows his name. The trainers take the time to go in and play ball with him while he is there. No one could get through them to get to my kid. In fact TOTT went in not to long ago in the evening and the girl behind the counter squinted at him and asked “are you Max’s dad?”

Our new roles are as parents to the real star of the show…The Boss.

The Boss, you say? We’ve never heard that one before! Sweet Baby Max, or King Max yes but The Boss? No. Well, get used to it.

The trainer proceeded to tell me what a kick they get out of him and how he does this thing now where if he wants to do something or wants you to get something for him he will forcibly take your hand and put it on what he wants or lead you over to wherever he wants to go and command you with a “THIS!” and follow it with a blink of his cartoon baby eyes and a sweet voiced “peas?” And so the they had taken to calling my sweet baby The Boss.

He is indeed The Boss. I mean really, I am the boss. I may have made him eggless cookie dough as a treat today but then I put my foot down and wouldn’t give in to the cupcake. See? I’m in charge! of course then I spent an hour on youtube playing Beatles videos, so maybe he really is in charge.

Oh well, when your kid is under the weather you do things like make ’em cookie dough and play Beatles vidoes, right? RIGHT?

We spent Sunday in the E.R. It was decidedly not awesome. The Boss was climbing and slid, smashing his face on the edge of the entertainment center. Ma (Grandma) was watching him at the time and she was inconsolable, but it could have happened on any of our watches.

Because toddlers are disaster machines.

The gum above his right front tooth was split to the bone- good lord! seeing your childs bone should never happen- and he tore the connector from his lip to his gum. As you can imagine blood was gushing at nearly rate of the oil spill. It was terrifying. Afterfour hours in the emergency room we left with a ‘it’ll heal itself’ and a prescription for anitbiotics. He vascilates between playing fine and being miserable. Poor baby!

Just an FYI, if your kid is miserable I do indeed suggest eggless cookie dough. Bonus for you, it’s yummy so you can drown your ‘my baby is sick’ sorrows in it too! The Boss loved it so much he did his version of Snoopy’s happy dance while singing ‘Happy Day!” It slays me with cute.

Anyway, he’s been extra cuddly and snuggly and I’ve been drinking in that sweet baby skin. He is intoxicating, even if his feet now smell like feet and not marshmallows. When did that happen? It’s going too fast. But I am still drunk with love for my little klutzy boy. Maybe he did actually inherit something from me after all.

Sorry about that, little dude.

In fact right now I’m trying to decide whether the lovely new goose egg smack in the middle of his forehead makes him look more like a Cyclops or as if he is sprouting a unicorn horn. I think unicorn horn. I also think it’s time for more Tylenol (generic, natch)

I leave you with this, in NY we hit up a music class at with DadaRocks and his adorable son Marc. Marc and The Boss made quick friends and had a glorious time together. Plus, the teacher could for real and for true play the guitar. The Boss’ mind was blown. He just stood there for a few, taking it all in before he finally let loose and boogied till he couldn’t boogie no mo!

The good stuff starts about 30 seconds in, it also features Marc. This kid is so cute I could eat him up. Luckily I have my own kiddo to snack on because we had just met DadaRocks and his wife…I’m not sure if munching on their child would have made the proper first impression.

The Boss spins it right round, baby, right round.

Really, is there anything cuter than babies rocking it out??? Sigh. It makes my heart happy.

Tangled up in blue…Huggies Jeans Diaper blue, that is!

TOTT and I are midgets…errrr…small people. 

Hanging with Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O’Connell. Like ya do.


Someone call Alanis because I’ve got a new one for her song. An actual ironic moment. Not just bad luck, or poor planing. Actual irony. But more on that in a minute.
There is something about NYC that usually makes me want to take a Xanax. Since I’m a bad weaner, Xanax isn’t an option right about now. Curse you Xanax and your non-safe-for-nursing-relaxingness!

Let me just tell you, that if you need to hit NYC may I recommend you arrive as the guests of the fantastic Huggies team. When I received the email asking me if we would like to attend the Huggies Jeans Diaper fashion show and inviting Max to be in the fashion show,  I was like…hold on let me check my sched. OH HECK YEAH!! First off, Max already rocks the Huggies. Second, who doesn’t want to go to NYC for a fashion show! I though I could live out some sort of 90’s Carrie Bradshaw fantasy. Only instead of D&G hot pants it would be jeans diapers. The Huggies team even popped some in the mail to us so we could try them out before we got there.
I think they are adorable! I’ve seen some rumblings on the internet about them and to those people I say lighten up! They’re diapers, they look like jeans, and they are so cute. You know I love a baby in a diaper, and this adds to it. I’ve always been a wee bit jealous of the adorable cloth diaper covers…why can’t disposable diapering moms have some fun too?  TOTT, Max and I took the train from DC armed with an Elmo video and a well stocked diaper bag full of treats. The moment our train arrived in New York my phone rang. How lovely! It was Attitude New York letting us know our car was waiting for us. Let me just tell you, hopping into a driven Escalade complete with car seat is a lovely way to roll into the city. Well done, Huggies.
We were driven to the W Hotel at Union Square, a swanky hotel which at first glance might not seem to baby friendly, but the entire staff simply couldn’t have been nicer to Max, the door man and the kiddo had a nice high five or two and we were off to our room.  And what a lovely room it was!

Then it happened.

We settled in and I started to clean the little tyke up before we headed off to dinner and then TOTT and his fellow producing partner were to see American Idiot. I started digging through the diaper bag, and then the suitcase feeling the panic rise as I futily searched.

It went like this:

Me: Dude. We forgot diapers!
TOTT:  Who is this ‘we’, kimosabe?
Me: Shut it you! We. Have. No. Diapers.(I start to giggle)  At a diaper event.
TOTT: It’s like ray-ee-ain on your wedding day! (he starts to laugh)
Max starts to laugh too, just cause we are.
Me:(Laughing)  I can’t believe we are here for a diaper event and have no diapers.
TOTT: (laughing) I’ll just run out and get some.

Knock.Knock.Knock.

TOTT: (confused face-answers door) Hello?

Adorable Hotel Worker Marian: Miss Dulli? Huggies would like to welcome you to New York.

She then proceeds to hand me a Skip Hop denim (natch) diaper bag. I say thank you and the moment she leaves we begin giggling again. I tear open that bag and whatdayaknow! DIAPERS! Huggies literally saves the (stinky) day! After the kid was changed and we had wiped our tears of laughter and totally rewrote Alanis’ song (remind me to send it to her. It’s pretty good. And features actual irony) we dug into that cute bag and whoohoo! more goodies!

Along with the diapers and bag were coupons for more free diapers (squee!) a gc to cover eating out etc. and oh yeah…a FLIP video camera.

We headed up and moved on out to meet the friends for dinner. I’ve no idea where we ended up, exept that it was totally YUM and featured this:

Ultra awesome super sly taken on the go pic of Uncle Jesse in several poses. How oddly awesome.
At that point I wasn’t aware that Rebecca Romijn was the Celeb mom. Weird, non? (note to Alanis, NOT ironic though.)

After a quick trip to the St. James theatre, Max and I were off to the hotel to catch some ZZZZ’s before his big day! We started out with a lovely breakfast with our fellow bloggers who were total rockstars. I don’t mean to be biased, but seriously…some outrageously adorable children amongst the bloggers. They kids quickly got acquainted as did we. Is there anything cuter than a bunch of 18 mo-2 year olds playing together?
We got the kids ready for the fashion show and then two of the tallest, most beautiful people ever walked in the room. Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O’Connell. The two of them were very nice and down to earth! Even better they seemed to genuinely like babies and were happy to interact with them. Jerry told Max that he had two little girls at home for him…so it looks like Lauren the waitress has some competition. I know I’ll be the mother of the groom, but I’ve got some great ideas for the Dulli-O’Connell wedding.
Before you knew it we were off to the fashion show! Having done a bunch of these myself as a kid I know how hectic they are and you add babies into the mix and it’s a whole lot crazier! There were a couple of mix ups, and we felt a little ummmm, second fiddle there for a second but the Huggies Team was on the case and took care of everything politely and brilliantly!
I was very proud of Max, he’s done a ton of photo shoots so he’s a pro with that, but this was his very first fashion show and he did very well!

The Huggies team even let me know that he ended up on the life.com website and he even made the Access Hollywood promo for the event. Well done, Max.

I wish the shirt was shorter so you could see the jeans diapers!
We had a wonderful time, and the diapers are great. We used them overnight in NY and they held up beautifully while Max slept for 11 hours! Go Huggies! (and Go Max) They fit him like a dream and I think they are cute. Why not have a little fun while keeping our little ones dry? Everytime I’ve asked M to bring me a diaper he’s chosen the Jeans diaper so I guess he likes em too. Get em while you can cause they are only available during the summer. Thank you to Huggies for hosting us, we had a lovely time and we love the jeans diapers!