Stepping out Saturday and The Sum Up.

Yesterday was our 5 year anniversary. Five years…wow. It’s pretty cool, to quote Miley Cyrus via SNL. To celebrate we went to Cactus Cantina for dinner and then TOTT took me and the rest of the family to The White House to tour the East Wing and all the Christmas decorations. To say it was amazing would be an understatement.

I wore tan sweater from Macys I love, dark jeggings from AE and boots, clearance last year at Target for 8 bucks. I also wore a baby in a ring sling which is think is by far the best accessory evah. I so adore my non-sleeping Huckleberry!

We were too busy taking pictures of the decorations so this is the only picture I have. Of course.  Total me, baby wearing social media mom FTW

We were allowed to take pictures in the East Wing, which is an unusual occurrence and I can’t wait to upload the ones from the real camera(says she who has pictures from the Boss’s Birthday on there…from JULY) but in the meantime here are some of my favorite instagram ones
First off we sent greetings to the troupes. Even the Boss got in on the action. Some soldier is going to get a scribbly stick figure and a backwards MAX. (XAM). I think that is kinda awesome!




There is a BO in every room. Some are big and some are tiny. By the way, TOTT was at the White House on Thursday and Bo came up to him in the hall and nuzzled his hand. COULD YOU JUST DIE?? Meanwhile I was wiping poop off a stubborn toddler. I think you can tell who leads the glamorous life between me and the hubs.

Felt Circle Bo…clearly the White House decorators have been cruising Pinterest.

white chocolate White House with not to scale Bo. But wouldn’t be awesome if Bo was that big? Like Clifford.

Right there was where President Obama announced we got Bin Laden.

I can’t tell you how many times I have stood at the fence wanting to see this entrance up close. It is gorgeous.

Oh it was magical! I think you can tell from this, one of my favorite wedding pictures that I do indeed LOVE Christmas!

What I wore that Saturday? Vintage inspired wedding dress by Monique Lowe, Necklace and earrings by Bloomingdales, Tiara by I don’t remember…I ordered like 20 of them off ye olde internets and chose one. Yes, I kept all the other ones. A cathedral veil for the ceremony and a fingertip for the reception. I didn’t wear a blusher…but I wish I had!

Happily Ever After!

 Locals~ Don’t forget to enter my Sesame Place Furry Christmas giveaway!

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It’s someones happy day!

If you ever meet a man (or woman, either one is cool with me.) and they really get you. If they can make you laugh harder than just about anyone other than say, your bestest girlfriends or at least just as hard as they can. If they can make you angrier than you have ever been in your entire life. Annoy you more than you ever thought possible and make you happier than you ever dreamed….then you should marry them.

I found that in Zach. Today is his birthday and I am incredibly grateful he was spawned lo those many years ago, because no one on this green earth makes me crazier, angrier, happier, feel more love and feel more loved. (except for our beautiful children of course!)

I love you crazy TOTT, even when you say “I can’t find it” when you haven’t even really looked and the item you’re looking for is exactly where I said it would be. I love you for making me laugh. For making me cry happy tears. I love you for allowing romance to grow from bringing me flowers to helping me shower after surgery and for thinking that even sore and stitched up that I am beautiful.I cannot possibly imagine being with anyone else (no not even my boyfriend Will Forte) You are my lobster.

Happy Birthday my  darling!

It doesn’t take Freud to figure it out…

Boss n Snurfie

The Boss, well he loves him some Smurfette. Or rather, he love Snurfette. He cuddles with her, he takes her to school with him (week two and three of school did not go as well as week one), he sleeps with one arm slung over her at all times. Like any boy he prefers her without her dress on.”I want her nakey, Mommy!”

Last night had a Halloween dream. I was struggling to get my make up on for my costume before the Boss saw me. My blue makeup. I rubbed on the bright foundation furiously trying to make my skin that aqua/royal blue combo that the lovely Snurfy sports. Nothing happened. Al Roker wandered by (because obviously) as blue as could be in his Brainy Smurf costume but was gone before I could ask to borrow his makeup. I became very upset insisting that TOTT take me to the store right then to get more blue make up and possibly a new blond wig because my costume had to PERFECT.

It was then that I woke up and the heavy realization hit me.

I am jealous of  mother f%^&**^ Snurfette.

Motherhood.

I hate all bugs. But the stomach bug is the worstest.

I was kissing and munching on some of the juiciest toddler cheeks in the history of ever. The Boss’. In between his giggles and my munching noises I told him: I’m going to eat you up!

Without missing a beat The Boss said: No Mommy! Food is better!

So that night I ate dinner. And then I got the stomach flu. I spent the day in bed bemoaning life, unable to even watch television. Just me, a dark room and TOTT popping in from time to time to turn on a light and tell me to come downstairs and hang with them. Ummm…Dear God just let me die! I beg of you!

After two days of existing on Gatorade and prayers I remain unconvinced that food is in fact better than yummy toddler cheeks.

Today TOTT came home from work violently ill and apologizing profusely. He didn’t understand. He is dying he says! The worst part is I can’t even feel like ha! now you get it! Because holy jeebus this flu is the suck and I feel bad my man is suffering. Here’s hoping he can handle some gatorade in a bit.

I’m sticking to juicy cheeks. And maybe some of these delicious toes. (And I’m not sharing these delicacies with anyone!)

Friday Fabulousness! {morning has broken}

The Zombie arose this week. And by Zombie of course I mean me. And thus, this week after having been so dang sick, everything was FABULOUS.
You know when you finally feel good? And you’re like oh! The breeze is so much cleaner! The stars are so lovely! Oh! Those flats I wanted at Target are now on sale!

I missed you world.

The In-Laws decided to steal The Boss for a bit  on Sunday and so  TOTT insisted I get up, roll outta bed and drag a comb across my head. Then he popped my weakened lil self in the car and drove me out for brunch and antiquing.

Everyone swoon for TOTT now. Even if flea markets aren’t your thing, the fact that the dude who would sooooooooooooo much rather be drinking a beer and watchign some sports, took his woman out for waffles, lattes and hunting for an antique typwriter and such means he is an A+ stud.

Post that he took me for a little shop in downtown Bethesda. Key-ute.

I promptly fell in love with Lola and wanted to take her home. Her family said no. Can you believe that? Rude.

Meet Lola. Getting cool in the fountain. I miss you Lola.

Puppy Bear + Lola 4 ever.

{Special thanks to Lola’s fam who for some reason though I was funny and not just some freak stalking their King Charles. Ah Lola.}

Also fabulous? Where have you been all my life Germantown Indoor Swim Center ??

Oh yeah, in Germantown. Whatever people! Check this shizz out: The Boss has started swimming lessons and lo and behold slides! kids areas! waterfalls! open year round!!

The Boss is crazy lovin it and we are planning on hitching our wagon to that star all winter. How fun to escape the dreary snowiness for some splashy fun!

Locals, who’s up for a play date?
What was fabulous in your life this week? I wanna know. Have a great weekend everyone!

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Who’s your Mommy?

I do believe that my beloved TOTT has mommy brain. Or mommy on the brain. Or something. TOTT is the Director of Operations for a non-profit. He’s very busy and important. Or so he says, but really I think he’s just sneaking off to eat cupcakes at Georgetown Cupcake in the middle of the day and that’s why he’s always late. I kid, he works very hard and believes in what he is doing. I respect that so much. He puts out a lot of fires and handles basically everything that can come up and so when he got an email the other night informing him that something or other wasn’t working he hopped on the computer and took care of it from home, quickly shooting off an email responding to the woman who alerted him to the problem. The email went a little something like this. There has been no editing.

Mommy,

I’m sorry. I don’t know why that didn’t work. Ours is not my first choice for a web-site program. Try it again and let me know.

-Zach

Excellent.  Luckily she was cool about it..


Mommy Brain. It’s not just for Mommies anymore.


*Note her name does begin with an M and end with a Y, but let’s not let that stop us from teasing him alright?

The curious case of the toddler and the porn-like music.

Last night as I did the stand and sway, nursing my little cherub to sleep- which is getting more difficult by the day, they grow so fast – The Boss reached a up a sweet chubby little hand, placed in on my cheek and said “Baby Mine”.

Swoon.

One more round of Baby Mine on the house little one! As his eyes fluttered, fighting sleep, he popped off blinked his big blue eyes at me and said:

Bow chicka bow wow!

Um. Excuse me? I asked, what did you say?

Bow chicka bow woooooooow, Mommy!

I kissed his goose egged forehead and went downstairs hoping and praying that my mother in law and sister in law, who both were cheerleaders had taught him the Booma Chicka Boom cheer.  Nope. Neither one had, although they vowed to do so.

Next up I cornered the men in the fam…the likeliest suspects, non? Who on earth, said I, has been exposing my child to porn, or at the very least terrible cheesy porn-like music?!

Shakespeare really should have written “Hell hath no fury like a mother who thinks someone has shown her baby something innapropriate”. Although, that doesn’t have quite as good a ring to it.

The boys faces quickly paled and both denied any such thing, of course. They never would do such a thing. (for real, they NEVER would do something. This child is so very loved and protected, I always say to him that I wish all babies in the world were as loved as he is) I may have been a little, how you say, irrational? And craving chocolate like a crack whore craves crack. You get the point. The menfolk both wracked their brains to figure out where The Boss could have learned such a musical phrase!

Aha! Cried TOTT. The Motown documentary they watched several days ago! The Boss had loved the section where they laid down the tracks one by one and the bassist vocalized his line along with playing.
Boom. Chicka. Bow. Wow.
They had replayed it several times for him. Cause he’s The Boss.
Phew.

My child, not exposed to porn at all, just a run of the mill musical genius.

Wordless Wednesday~ Apple. Tree. Not far.

                                                        Apple.               Tree.
TOTT makes this face when he looks in the mirror. It’s kinda Blue Steel-like. The whole of the American Dream teases him about this. The other night TOTT had given M a bath and had combed their hair so it matched. M looked in the mirror, made the face and said:
“I LOVE MAX”
Clear as a bell. I am in so much trouble 

The best laid plans…

Saturday night started off with a lovely offer from my father in law. They’d watch the baby on Sunday and The Teller of Tall Tales and I would be off to DC for a little work, and then some lunch and a bit of a shop!
How lovely. I woke early and dressed, I even curled my hair, put on a new outfit and my favorite cockroach stomping boots! But alas the best laid plans were not to be.

Here at the American Dream I’ve been sleeping down stairs in the crazy awesome apartment and since TTOTT (The Teller of Tall Tales) (Do we like TTOTT? I’m trying it out…) has to get up early for work, and let’s face it he may be sweet and funny but he is not the quietest man in the land, he’s been crashing upstairs in his childhood bedroom.

It’s so ideal.

Plus the little league baseball trophies are way sexy.

By the time I got upstairs the poor dude was folded over in extreme pain. And just like that we were off to the E.R. Let me just say, if you need a trip to urgent care may I suggest that you schedule it for 7 a.m. on a Sunday. We were seen in a flash! I’m still pondering why hospitals must be kept at such a frigid temperature. I think my toes are still frozen, it was Cullen cold in there. Poor TTOTT (Yay? Nay? I dunno..) has kidney stones before so it was no shock what it was, but I do have to say that I haven’t really seen him in this much pain before. It sucked hardcore.

Luckily our lovely nurse quickly administered the phine. Ah, yes. Morphine. If you all ever have the opportunity to visit TTOTT whilst he is all warm and fuzzy from the phine, I highly- HIGHLY- suggest it. (although let’s hope today was the final time he has it)

You’ll experience a little thing we call THE ZACH SHOW.

He gets all silly, smiley, and just ‘on’ there is no other word for it. He is ‘ON’.

Zach has earned his monikers earnestly but he truly is not a braggart. He’ll mention my accomplishments far quicker than his own.

It’s just a good thing I wasn’t imbibing any beverages as the nurse gave him a dose of the phine, he got a big smile on his quickly flushing face turned to her and said

“You might have seen me on television!”

It was shortly after that our nurse betrayed all woman kind by saying a man having kidney stones was worse that a woman giving birth.

BETRAYER!!

But TTOTT was soooooooooooooooooooooper stoned at that point so he just giggled and then when the nurse left he told me that babies trump kidney stones. I say well done young man, and have another hit!
 He’s gonna be fine, we are home now. We stopped for bagels and donuts on the way home and I have a new lover- a honey dipped donut. I proclaim my undying love for thee!

The man is resting now, no more morphine but he’s got a nice prescription of Vicodin to see him through the next few days. Here’s hoping he is on the road to ‘delivering’ soon.
I won’t be getting a nursery ready though. Ew.