Part Three, in Which Hooligan Huck makes his appearance and my heart grows three sizes. Grinch style.

I’m not going to lie. I was terrified. Not as terrified as with my C-section for The Boss. I can honestly say that was the most scared I have ever been in my entire life. Pure terror, right there. And it was not misplaced, the Boss was really wedged in there.It was awful, painful, scary and worth it. When they brought The Boss to me (as I was having a monster panic attack and hollering I have to get up!) I said hello to him and he reached out and grabbed my nose.

 

 

BOOM. Motherhood.

 

This time was very different. The spinal I had was different and I could feel my feet which was very disconcerting…and I could smell them cauterizing as they cut. OMG, people. That will stick with me for ages. Once TOTT was in the room I relaxed a bit more and with just a few tugs and pulls Huck was out. And then I waited. And waited. And waited. It seemed an eternity, the took him over to the warmer and I could see them rubbing him with the towel and suctioning his throat with a long tube. There was merconium in the amniotic fluid and they wanted to really clear his lungs.

Finally after three months of waiting he let out a tiny craggy cry. I’m certain it was maybe 90 seconds total, but you know if you’ve had a baby that moment after he/she enters this world and the when they vocally proclaim their arrival seems an age. He was proclaimed “perfect!” by the doctors and wrapeed up burrito style and presented to me.  His eyes were closed and he was swollen but so tiny and that’s when it happened.

Just like that I couldn’t remember a single thing I’d been worried about. I couldn’t fathom not being a mom of two. Two beautiful boys. My heart, it just expanded the way your lungs expand. Meeting Huck was just that….like a big, fresh, breath filling me up with life. My heart swelled and my stomach swooped the way it does as you head up a roller coaster, but there was no let down. Just the up. The up was Huck. Brand new to the world and us and yet it was as if he had always been with us. The only thing missing was The Boss.

Too soon they took Huck off to be weighed and measured and I quickly reminded TOTT that he was to never leave that baby’s side. The nurses took exceptional care of our little guy. I was put back together, Wizard of Oz Scarecrow style and wheeled back to my room for recovery. Once the baby and I were settled I would be moved from L&D to Maternity. Only then would I be given my baby. I felt so much better after this surgery than the last, I couldn’t believe it and so I kept after the nurses to move me faster. And they did.

Just like his brother, Huck latched on like a champ at the first attempt. I breathed a sigh of relief. I had been worried that nursing this time might not go as easily as last, but it seemed as if we were good to go. I’ve always thought God gifted me with easy nursing and a good supply since everything else pregnancy and delivery related was tough.  I can’t give birth the old fashioned way but I do get to nurse them. I love nursing. I love the nuzzling and little grunts. I know that if I formula fed I would still have these things, but there is something in me that is so very grateful that I am able to nurse.

We nursed and dozed off and on and before long Bob-Bob and The Boss came to visit! My stomach was jangling with nerves. How would this be? Would The Boss be happy? Mad? I needn’t have worried. Grandpa held Huck and Max tentatively leaned over, smiling his huge melt-my-heart smile and said “Hi Baby Huck”” and then Huck opened his eyes for the very first time. He not only opened his eyes but he focused on The Boss. It was amazing.

The Boss scrambled up on the green vinyl hospital couch and said “Sometimes Mommy let’s me hold the baby. I have to ask first. I am gentle with the baby. I sing a little baby song.”  lines from the book we had read every night for months about being a big brother. TOTT placed Huck in The Boss’ arms and he smiled and squealed “I’m a Big Brother”

And my heart grew three sizes. Grinch style.

Advertisements

The Guilt and the Lie. (Part two)

{Dr. TOTT.Available for all your birthing needs. As long as all you need is someone to make you laugh.}

There I lay cuddled in bed with my sweet boy, the light of my life. The baby in my belly gives a stretch, whoosh, more fluid. The Boss makes me laugh, whoosh, more fluid. I feel the panic rising in my throat, how to say goodbye to this…this precious just-him-and-me relationship right now. I know I need to get out of his bed and fast, it feels as if a whole swimming pool is escaping me.

And so I tell a lie.

I finish Ratatouille, say 1,2,3 STARS! Max’s stars! and turn off his light waiting until his glow in the dark stars light up and he says “mommy! It’s outer space, do you see the moon?” then I say “I do baby!” and I tell him I love him to the moon and back a billion times. He says “just wike big nut bwown hauh” I hug him so close, so close I try to transfer some of that beautiful Burt’s Bees bubble bath smell to me. I inhale his hair, I kiss those chubby cheeks, which are easily some of the yummiest cheeks in the history of ever. I try not to cry, simultaneously my heart is breaking to leave my sweet only child and thrilling to meet the little one who has been worrying me for so long. I know tonight I will become a mother of two and The Boss will become a Big Brother. A role I know he will be amazing in, but one that will force him to share the attention.

Now, The Boss?Well, his mommy and daddy are talkers so it’s no wonder that he himself, is into a late night chat. His falling asleep monologues are fast and furious until he tires himself out, snuggling close to me and his breathing steadies. Sometimes about space travel, usually about going to ‘guitar store’ and seeing John (Lennon’s) guitar and Paul (McCartney’s) bass. It’s one of my favorite parts of the day, and I know tonight I cannot stay for it. I tell the biggest lie I’ve ever told to someone I never want to lie too.

Mommy will be right back, I just have to potty.

He’s two, almost three and he knows how important getting to the potty is. He clutches at me, begging me to stay and I know I cant let him see how hard this is for me. I’m grateful that it is dark and we are lit only by the stars and his birdie nightlight. He can’t see the look in my eyes as I kiss him again, memorizing his sweet face one more time. He can’t see me wipe away a tear before it falls on his rosy cheek. I tell him to have sweet dreams and I love him and that I will be right back. Right. Back. Those words hurt. I scoot to the end of his big boy bed, whoosh, checking to see if his sheets are wet. Nope, still dry. Amazing.  As I sit to push myself up, whoosh! there it is. The very end of his bed get it. Oh, well…his feet can’t touch that. We will change his sheets in the morning. No reason to upset his routine anymore than usual.

I managed to hobble out of his darkened room, telling him I loved him and ignoring his plaintive cries to come back and snuggle. Went immediately into the bathroom, pausing only to say the sentence that sends men into a panic, second only to I’m pregnant is:

my water broke.

Suddenly we are starring in a 1950’s sitcom. TOTT has his hands on his head saying what do we do? I tell him to call my doctor while I go to the restroom to clean up, a useless act as the water just keeps coming.  I hear him on the phone telling her that my water broke and my contractions are two to three minutes apart, which they are and have been all day. Will we even make it to the hospital in time?

You’d think with three trips to the hospital behind us, we would have our bags all packed but nope! TOTT scrambles to get everything while I toss the last few things in my bag and before we know it we are in the car racing through the dark to the labor and delivery wing that we now know oh so well. It was so exciting. I went into labor with The Boss, but the C-section was already scheduled for the next morning and as quickly as my contractions started my denial started as well. This time, I was getting to do it all. Contractions (sure for two months), water breaking and I was hoping with all the contractions and pressure that surely I was dilating well and would be able to push this baby out the old fashioned way and all my birthing dreams would come true!

When TOTT and I are nervous we sort of, well we sort of become the Zach and Stephanie show. We are both performers at heart and we don’t know how to handle any stress other than to turn on the comedy.  By the time they wheeled me back to L&D and placed me on the scale, the same one I had stood on just three days earlier and weighed one pound less, I had all the nurses cracking up with a whole routine about how I could now scratch ‘go out in public with wet pants’ off the old bucket list.  As a Frequent Flyer I now knew almost all the nurses, most were amazing, two were not. I was scared I was going to get one in particular who actually made me cry three days earlier…thankfully she was a day nurse so I escaped her until well after Huck was born in which case she had to shut her whore mouth because THE BABY WAS HERE AND I WAS NOT IMAGINING THINGS. I hated her, but she was extra kind to me post delivery, maybe she will be nicer to the next mom who going into pre-term labor. Lesson learned, lady? We had a fun night full of contractions and laughs.  A quick check by the doctor announced that I was completely dilated! Nope. Sorry. Not dilated at all. I’d been a ‘fingertip’ for two weeks, which was reassuring before but was now frustrating! The contractions were getting so strong and I was starting to have to stop to breath through them, which was tough because that meant shutting up for a minute or two,and you know how hard it is for me to shut up!

Are you one of those moms who missed their baby an hour after they go to bed? I am. As soon as The Boss is sweetly asleep and I’ve had 45 minutes to myself, all I want is my baby again. Even if my ‘baby’ is almost 40 pounds of non-stop Beatles and Green Day! I miss him. In between contractions TOTT and I talked about The Boss and how he has the book I’m a Big Brother memorized. We reminisced about his birth and talked about how this was going to be good for him. A sibling is a blessing. But still my heart was heavy. I lied to my boy to escape to birth his brother. Something that will rock his world in a good way and force him to change the way he sees the world and his family.

I labored all night,turning down pain meds with stubborn hope that I would push this baby out drug free. The doctors were nervous about it, with The Boss’ C-section I had been cut both horizontally and vertically because he was so tightly wedged in there and this upped the chance of rupture. But they allowed me to give it the old college try. After 8hours I had made absolutely no progress and due to the fact that I had been contracting for so long and there was merconium in the amniotic fluid, plus with the previous C-section that we would go ahead and do another. I knew this was a possibility and honestly all I wanted in the end was a healthy baby and to go home to my beautiful Boss, so the choice was a sad but good one.

I have never been more scared in my life than my C-section with The Boss. I had good reason to be scared, it was a rough c-section that reminded me clearly of the last scene of Braveheart. You know the one, where they rip his guts out? My recovery took ages. I was in so much pain and had so much internal bruising due to his position that the idea of going through that all over again was not something I was looking forward too. But baby was starting to need to come out, and quickly so off they wheeled me into the OR and we prepared to meet Baby2ElectricBooglaoo and make the Boss a Big Brother for real.

 

Part three on Monday!{I swear!}

 

You say good bye and I say hello.

I am terrible at good byes. Just awful. The day we left Los Angeles I practically clung to Sister Dub screaming and wailing.  Getting in that car was the hardest thing I have ever done. I’m still sad about it, and try not to think about that. But this post isn’t about my weeping and wailing at leaving my home.

It’s about the night my beautiful Hooligan Huck was born.

Now, Huck isn’t an actual hooligan. So far he is just as sweet as a hot fudge sundae at the Cheesecake Factory, which by the way is the best hot fudge sundae around. Justsoyouknow. But I like to make the Boss laugh, and when Huck shakes his little fists like the Notre Dame mascot I like to do my very favorite County Clare Irish Lilt whilst telling him silly tales about Hooligan Huck. Oh, that great toddler laugh!

The idea of saying goodbye our time alone, Just The Boss and me, was too much for me to bear. I spoiled him, I cuddled him, I knew that our days just the two of us were dwindling to a close. But how to mourn the loss of that time while thrilling to the addition of a new tiny one was simply mindboggling to me.

The second time I ended up in the hospital I spent a half an hour snuggling him, trying to tell him over and over how much I loved him that I was proud of him and that he was reason we wanted another baby. Reassuring him that no matter how big he got he would always be my baby.  I left him and we raced to the hospital thinking Huck was on his way and praying he would be safe and healthy. But I left part of my heart behind, snuggled in his big boy bed with squishy guitar and big squishy guitar. It was bittersweet. And then Huck stayed put. The Tuesday before Huck was born we had a regular appointment with Dr. H. My contractions were two minutes apart and she quickly sent us off to the hospital. Again. Thankfully TOTT was with me that day, so he and The Boss headed over to the L&D floor where the ‘babies come from’, this was great as The Boss now had a visual of where Mommy was going and where Huck would be arriving.

He loved it. Soon enough TOTT took The Boss home for a nap and I stayed in L&D room 4 watching bad cable tv and contracting away. 37 weeks exactly. It’s a lot less scary at 37 weeks than it is at 30 weeks, I’ll tell you that much! But my heart was heavy. In The Boss’ little life I am the one who puts him down for every nap, every bedtime. I do most of the meals…even on bedrest I would climb from my bed into his to read Llama Llama. There was many a night when I was exhausted and bitter that I wished TOTT could do just some of it. But the truth is that I set it up that way. I made sure I was the one who did everything because I am selfish and I want The Boss all to myself. There I admitted it. I waited so long to have a baby, I wasn’t even sure I could have one and then here is Max (The Boss) and he is so amazing. I am jealous when he wants Ma to give him a bath or Bob Bob to take him out to swing or Daddy to play guitar with him. I love having a break but I want to be the only star in his sky. Selfish of me.

I never would have turned over care of him if I hadn’t been forced. And you know what? It turned out brilliantly. Daddy is fantastic at putting him to bed and they are closer than ever.

I never would have given up nursing him if I hadn’t been forced. And that turned out okay as well. He cuddles me more now that he isn’t boo-ing.

But the thought of saying good bye to his only child-dom loomed over me. How to close the most profound period in my life? How to say goodbye to the two of us versus the world? Even knowing that something beautiful was coming that would make our lives even more spectacular didn’t ease my sadness over the closing of this chapter. Yet at the same time I was thrilled to be pregnant, to have another precious boy, to give The Boss the gift of a sibling. Opposite yet equal emotions waged war in my heart at all times.

On Friday I was having contractions like mad. I even told TOTT these seemed different. I was so used to contracting at this point that only the big monster ones even caught my attention. These were painful and felt as if they were pushing down. That was new…but I didn’t worry. I had been told this was the way it was going to be until I really went into labor, my water breaking or dilating.  So business as usual! Although I did tell Ma the baby was coming today, just to tease her since she was going out of town!

That night The Boss and I snuggled in his bed giggling and going over our day before starting to read our books. Three a night, that’s the routine. Halfway though book one I felt (and heard- I swear to God!) two little pops like rubber bands breaking and then – oh heavens, what was that?

Well. Water. Broken. And boy did it break! So there I am reading, and thinking that I better get out of this bed or The Boss is going to be sleeping in a wet bed and it won’t be his doing.

Decision made, out of my hands yet again.

 

{I’m breaking this up because holy long post Batman!}

On Demand.

The On Demand feature on both of these has been widely employed this past week:

{Tiny peanut!}

He seemed a great deal bigger when he was in here:

Forgive me taking the week off last week. I was, y’know, in the hospital until  Wednesday and all sore and drugged up the rest of the week. Plus I really just wanted to snuggle my boys (my.boys! boys! two boys! mine. ALL MINE!)  and tweet silly Percoset induced tweets, while watching My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.

Tell me, you’re watching the crazy right? My summer is made with that show and the new addition of Ice Loves Coco. You guys? I think Ice really does love Coco. *wipes tear*

We are settling in, and I am working on Huck’s birth story today, what I remember of it. I am missing a big chunk of time but it’s okay. He is here safe and sound and that is all that matters.  And THE BOYS? Are getting along famously. The Boss is amazing. Just amazing. We’ve had a few little jealousies, but far and away he wants to hold, kiss and play with his baby brother. I think the picture from their first meeting says it all:

Huck hadn’t opened his eyes yet. Not once. Until The Boss came in the room and said “Hi Baby Huck” really softly and what do you know? Huck opened those baby blues and looked right at The Boss. The entire family pretty much died of cute right then.

As for me, I am sore but happy. Tired but euphoric. But if someone could please tell my right boob that we only had ONE baby it would be greatly appreciated. I’m currently rocking one left boob that is just the right size, and one right boob that looks like Coco’s. And it hurts. A lot. I resemble a badly botched boob job, and in fact I’d take a picture but that would mean getting dressed. Or just posting pics of my junk on the internet for all to see and since I am not a Senator or Congressman I’ll spare you. ( I mean except for the belly shot…belly shots don’t count right?)

I’m sure you can imagine. But there is hope for me, I mean if Ice really does love Coco, and I think he does…TOTT can surely put up with my freakish appearance for a while, non?

And also there is this…

{power to the tiny people}

 

And he is SO worth it. So, so worth it.

 

Misplaced stress? I don’t mind if I do!

The day of our wedding, I suddenly had a freak out. My dress was strapless and the bridesmaids, well their dresses has spaghetti straps. Oh. Mah. Gah. When we tried them on at the store there had been some talk of cutting them off and just wearing the dresses strapless, but my gals are …shall we say, busty? so nothing ever happened with that. As we were getting ready to walk down the aisle, someone may have lost her fool mind and flipped out because the bridesmaids dresses had straps.

PEOPLE! Crisis! Did you hear me? The dresses. had.straps.

They asked to be allowed to wear the straps. I told them their request had been registered with the management but NO! I had taken off my manager’s hat and was wearing my Bridezilla tiara. Bless their gorgeous busty hearts, they dutifully tucked the straps in and walked down the aisle arms firmly pinned to their sides looking nervous as all get out that they were going to flash what the good Lord gave them right there and then in the house of the Lord. As a result, I have pictures of nervously smiling bridesmaids at the wedding, but the reception? when they put their straps on and relaxed? Happy, gorgeous dancing ladies! Hmmmm. Perhaps my nerves exhibited in a bizarre way?

Having a baby? is JUST LIKE THAT!

Here we are 36 weeks and in the free zone! Baby is good to arrive any day he likes now, but I don’t have time for that. I have to make a headboard. I mean HAD. Cause clearly, if you know me…the headboard has been made! TOTT was mindbloggled. We have so much to do, but me? I was hung up on the fact that I don’t have a headboard. How can I be an adult when I live in my husband’s childhood room and don’t even have a headboard??

I know you agree the tragedy of this was just too much to bear! I wanted something simple. Something that could be changed up at a later date, you know when I get new bedding or whatevs. Like a lot of decorating gals I like to switch schizz up on the regular. So. Home made upholstered headboard was the only choice. Duh.

TOTT wearily dragged my very pregnant self to good old Home Depot and I dictated what we needed! 30 minutes later after two of the most wonderful Home Depot employees went above and beyond to figure out how to cut the design I wanted in the wood (which is NOT their job, they just had a soft spot for a pregnant lady who needed a headboard!) we were on our way!

I followed the many blog tutorials and I have to say that if you’ve got about an hour and 50-60 bucks, you too can have a new headboard!

As I am cheap, I used a twin sized egg crate bed pad to be the foam. Then I doubled up quilt batting to give it a little extra oomph since I went the cheap route for foam. After that I trimmed it all up nice and neat and laid it on top of my fabric.

I used a dropcloth ala Miss Mustardseed, though bleach as I did I never got it quite white. Oh well! TOTT liked the nubby tan fabric and thought it looked a little more masculine, so win!

I used a little bit of Fabric Tac here and there on the cut outs just to help me get it really smooth. The second one I did is better than the first, but the first one? I a-ok too!

And here it is. The next morning, done!(you can also see the $4 dollar stool I redid as well to help The Boss off and on our bed!

My side:

And now, like my Bridesmaids I am all happy and relaxed. I mean, except for the other 20 million things I want to get done! Including this $3 mirror I got for over our dresser (which I want to re-do!)

It just needs to be hung, so as soon as TOTT gets home…he’s on it!

 

Linking to Cassie at Primitive and Proper and Marion at Miss Mustardseed

Things that could only happen to me.

{photo by Gail Boos. I did not drink that Guiness}

We all know my car is trying to kill me right? This car is out to get me. On Friday I got the all clear from awesome Dr. G to get in my little car and drive to DC to meet TOTT, Bob-bob, Auntie Keek and some out of town family for lunch at National Geographic. Their salad bar is the sweetest. Just an FYI. Of course it just for employees and family etc. etc. so you’ll have to trust me on this. The NatGeo caf is the bombdiggity!

Anyway, on the way we had to stop and do one of the Boss’s very favorite things in the world. Get gas. No idea why he loves this so much, mayhaps it’s the fumes? I don’t know, but the boy loves it and every time he plays with his toy cars they all have to stop and get gas. So he was pretty stoked about about a quick fill up at the local station. I decided being out! and free! I would be all ambitious and clean my windows while the tank filled.

Well, don’t you know that car just reached out and grabbed as I scooted my way from the tank to the windshield and I found myself stuck between the wall of the flower planter (who are they kidding with this? Its a gas station!) and my evil car.

By stuck I mean jammed, crammed, unable to move, stuck. STUCK. Couldn’t move, just standing there wedged there. People all around and no one helping this big old pregnant woman. I stood there for a moment, window squeegee raised a bit in the pose of the Statue of Liberty, wondering what to do. My belly firmly squashed up against the car.

So yeah. What was I going to do? I mean, I’m not about to let someone getin my car with The Boss and move it, cause ummm NO and also OUCH! I am stuck! I could feel Baby2ElectricBoogaloo getting antsy from the pressure of being wedged in there. I tried to stand on my tip toes, maybe my girth is a little less and inch and a half lower. No dice. There is no movement happening left, right, up or down. They are going to haveto call the fire department and I will be the laughing stock of all the hot firefighters.

Cause they are always hot, especially when you are at your worst, am I right?

Finally with a mighty (painful) stretch and a roll Baby2ElectricBoogaloo moved and gasp! 1/22 of an inch of space! I popped up on my toes hoping to gain a little more leverage and scooted back towards the gas pump. Freedom!!!!!

Windows be damned. I got myself in my car and got out of there before more people could point and say “That’s the pregnant woman who got STUCK!”

So you can see why I had the salad bar.

Am Huge.

Am huge.

DUDES! One month!! We made it one whole month of keeping Baby2ElectricBoogaloo in the belleh!! I’m supah jazzed about this because, duh, 34 weeks is way safer than 30, know what I mean? Plus it’s looking like this kid is staying put for a while longer. I’m happy with that, although I gots to admit that I am getting way uncomfortable!

My contractions really seem to be slowing down, I even went three whole days without one! But at other times, Holy Infant of Prague it feels like a vice is just squeezing me corset style. Guess what? That hurts like the devil and makes me want to howl at the moon like those werewolves in Twilight. (p.s. watched Twilight the other day and why? Just why? Why is ONE supernatural dude in love with Boring Bella, much less two? She’s sullen, monosyllabic, and doesn’t even attempt to be nice to your vampire parents when they make Italian food!)

So with one month of keeping this kiddo in we have also reached ONE MONTH OF NO COFFEE!!  I had to break up with coffee to keep this kiddo in, and it was so worth it. But it begs the question, do I chase the Green Mermaid (bucks) once I pop this kid out? Or stay clean and pure? And also, does this count as one miracle towards my sainthood? Miracle One…lives with mother in law and likes it. Miracle two…quit coffee. I think it it does.

Obviously the answer to the difficult coffee question is heck no! Once that epidural wears off someone bring me a Sugar Free Vanilla Soy latte STAT!

The Boss is suffering his own withdrawals. One month of broken boos. He asks every single day to nurse and every day I tell him the Doctor says the boos are broken and he responds “No I think he said they are fixed!” It makes me sad and happy all at the same time, and honestly I am kind of glad I never got to have that last boo-ing session, because I would have been a wreck. It was better this way, like the mean Russian woman who used to distract me with some outrageous statement before she ripped my lady biz hair free. I would never had willingly done it, but now it’s done oh hey! that’s great! So while I am pleased with the results of ripping off the boo-ing without warning, suddenly The Boss seems so…big. And cuddly! No one told me that he would get cuddlier! Mama likes.

I wonder when he will stop asking to nurse. And what sort of technicolor tantrum can we expect when he sees me boo the new baby? He is nothing if not dramatic.

No idea where he gets that from.

I predict many ice cream distractions and lots of new toys.

 

yo yo ma is kind of a bad a$$.

I’ve been upgraded from bed rest to “take it easy…but really lay down as much as possible” rest and yay! I can now move from the bed to the couch and get up and do crazy things such as shower, and change the sheets. But then I need a nap. Because showering is exhausting these days, and not just because of my girth. I am still contracting away, and some of them are downright buggers! They gave me a nice set of rules to follow in case they go to the dark side, but as for now I’ve been reassured that I won’t deliver in the next two weeks. I go back then for another painful poking and prodding exam and ultrasound. So that’s the update there…just hoping to keep Baby2ElectricBoogaloo a cookin!

Anyway…TOTT sent me this video because a. I love the cello and b. as an ex-dancer i love me some crazy awesome moves.

I present to you Yo Yo Ma and Lil Buck in a dual improvisation.(if you don’t think this is cool…well, we can still be friends. I mean I am sure that some of you are having to overlook that I thnk MacGruber is hilarious. So let’s just all respect each other’s choices, okay?) Make sure you watch till the end where Lil Buck gets himself in such a position that would surely win him an Adult Video Award were he a female. And a porn star. Dude…the mind reels at the flexibility.

Ok, that is awesome, right? It’s called jookin’, or Memphis Jookin’ which I know  because I am chock full of street cred. I want to do that! How amazing is he? I’m checking my local gym because surely jookin is the next Zumba.

Lose the baby weight by jookin’…Sign me up.

Good Morning Starshine~

{The Boss enjoys a rare excursion outside of the house to get ice cream. Not excited at all.}

I woke up this morning feeling great! I practically bounced out of bed while little Disney birds chirped a merry tune and helped me dress.

That’s an utter lie.

I am still sick as the proverbial dog. BUT~ I did awake today determined to act as if I feel ok. My darling Boss has now perfected his imaginary soup recipe and brings me “more soup mommy” from his play kitchen in hopes it will make me well and be able to play “Weeble Weeble” with him. They wobble…but they don’t fall down, doncha know?

I’ve been giving the Unisom/B6 remedy a whirl, and to be honest…I’ve stopped puking, so I’m putting one check in the win column for that. Still dizzy, exhausted and all around yucky feeling though.

Wait, scratch that I FEEL FABULOUS!!!

{I’m trying out a Field of Dreams if you build it they will come mindset, think it’ll work?}

Saturday I felt well enough to attend a Swanky Junque swap with ten brilliant women and the loverly Miss Mustardseed herself. It was a glorious time, being among ‘my people’. You know? Those other frugalistas who dumpster dive and send their husbands 20 million craigslist posts a day saying I NEED THIS! We had lunch, we had laughs…It was just what this old gal needed. I was determined to make it there, and I did! Miss Mustarseed even sacrificed an old grocery scale so that I could have it. We picked numbers 1-10 to chose from the available ‘junk’ I had #4. I thought I was safe…no one else seemed interested in my lovely rusty old scale! But Marian aka Miss Mustarseed had #3 she made a beeline right too it.

Sigh. I must have made a noise of some kind and despite my protestations that really, truly she didn’t need to (and she didn’t, there were so many other choices of brilliant things to have!) she insisted that I take the scale and she chose my birdcage that I brought! Heavens knows if she even wanted that birdcage, but I do think it says a lot about the kind of person she is to have done that.

My beautiful scale, thanks to Sarah aka The Thriftress who brought it and Miss Mustardseed who took one for the team and let me have this treasure!

Swoon. Someday I will have a kitchen of my very own to hang that bad boy in….I lurve it. I also got a fantastic mini serving dresser which I am going to redo as the baby’s changing table and then someday it would make a great microwave cart/kitchen storage. You know, for my future kitchen along with the scale.

Soon enough.

Most importantly, I want to thank ALL of you for all your congratulations and well wishes. Also for all of the remedies for ‘morning’ sickness!  I have an appointment tomorrow and will de discussing more options with the doc, cause I can’t be laying on the couch forever! I’ve got a toddler to play with, and he is moving so fast! I’m missing it all and that kills me as I feel like our precious time alone is quickly dwindling. That’s good, another baby is on the way and I can’t wait! But still, it’s just been me and The Boss for 2 years. We are bestest buddies, joined at the hip. True loves and I don’t to miss any of this special time before our vicious gang becomes larger by one more blessing.

knock knock

Knocked up.

 

I’m a bad liar. I really am.  A good actor but a bad liar. I’m also not very good at keeping a secret. My own secret that is, your secret is safe as houses with me. Not my secret to tell, so no temptation.

But my own secrets? Terrible.

So if you’re wondering where I’ve been…well I’ve been puking my guts out. I was hoping to skip that this time around, but lucky me! I guess I am not ever destined to be one of those glowy happy pregnant people. I’m a bit down in the dumps about that, if I am being honest.

Quite a bit in the dumps about that.

If anyone has any magic cures for serious nausea and such I am all ears. They put me on Zofran two days ago and all I got was severe abdominal cramps.Not working so much.

So to recap, thrilled to be pregnant. Down in the dumps about being so sick. Heartbroken everytime the Boss asks “Mommy you want to play ball with me?” and I can’t.

Hear that? That’s my heart breaking. Because eventually he stops asking and starts asking for his grandmother.

Heart. Broken.

So now you know where I’ve been….puking. I’ve missed you all.