A White Suburban Mom’s Response to the Onion:

Last night I resisted the urge to climb out of bed and post a vengeful, scathing response to the Onions ‘satirical’ tweet about Quvenzhane Wallis being a…well, a c u next Tuesday. I still find myself shaking with rage over it. Yes, satire is to point out our hypocrisy, our foibles…but there is something especially brutal about this tweet: It destroys the precious confidence and innocence of an exceptional child.  A child who has the wherewithal at 9 to school a reporter who refuses to learn how to say her name…which is just damn lazy. It’s your JOB to know the nominee’s names and even if you’re too dumb to sound it out, turn on the TVand just repeat after everyone else who seems to have figured out a name that features both a Q and a Z!

I kept reading tweet after tweet from women I love and respect, friends, and they kept saying one thing: what did we expect? Children of  color are not allowed to be children.

This hit me like a ton of bricks… I look at my friend Brandi’s beautiful daughter at three and she is a BABY. Boss’s friend Isaac at 4 is a BABY. The Boss is a BABY at 4. Quvenzhane Wallis is a BABY. Emotional and intellectual development has nothing to do with skin color! Obviously in our society the need for Satire is clear, hello Daily Show? However this example is unacceptable because it (doesn’t really fit the definition of satire) speaks to a multi-layered problem. The obvious layer got me all MAMA BEAR: How dare they say something like this about a CHILD.

Then I just listened…I read the tweets…the greater problem we in this country have with the way children of color are treated and what is expected of them. Now, I certainly do not profess to be an expert on this, having sat wrapped in my lovely white privilege and not truly  knowing how prevalent this mind-set is that children of color are simply not allowed to be children. I see my own children being exposed to things too soon, but preserving childhood seems to be becoming a great priority, as it should be.

So what do we do to work to ensure ALL children have a childhood? Well, I think it starts with a good honest discussion. Which happened last night amid all the wanting to punch the Onion tweeter in the face (He better not meet me in dark alley!). And along with that, I saw women and men, mothers and fathers, across racial, cultural, and socio-economic lines standing up for Quvenzhane.

That is what makes me think we will be okay. No, we won’t stand for calling a 9 year old child one of the most reviled words in the English language but let’s take a step back and look at it this way: 60 years ago more people would have laughed than been offended. Few people would have rushed to her defense. Now we see a few ignorant A-holes but the rest? The rest treasure this child. The rest won’t sit silently by on this one…the rest stand up for Quvenzhane. Here is hoping we continue our outrage for all the Quvenzhane’s out there not up for an Oscar this year.

I hope that she never knows about this. I hope her beautiful Oscar experience was filled with nothing but awesomeness. She deserves it. So I say to her,

Dearest Little Q,

Let’s discuss how much you rock? We’ve all fallen in love with you! Your sense of self, your confidence, your attitude and your humor are exceptional. You looked beautiful last night at the Oscars. Obviously your puppy purse was the greatest accessory in Oscar history. Everything from your hair to your shoes was fashion perfection. I hope that you enjoyed yourself. I hope that you felt loved and supported and I hope the fact that you didn’t win didn’t hurt too much. Mostly, I hope that you remain perfectly YOU and don’t let Hollywood or the media make you second guess who you are. It’s a tough lesson for anyone in the public eye, and you are learning it at such a very young age.  Remember, it doesn’t matter what they call you; it matters what you answer to. And you have made it quite clear that you answer to QUVENZHANE!

We love you and we have your back.

Love, Stephanie

Brandi wrote this today: Read it…so good.

Golden Globes 2013 Fashion recap!

Fall, Winter, Spring, Summer. What’s your favorite season? Mine is, obviously, AWARD Season! And one the bestest in the westest was tonight, the Golden Globes. Amy Poehler. Tina Fey. Comedy Girlgasm. More of them, please! They brought it! And they brought the hotness. Funny, smart, hot. Amy’s burgundy dress was lovely on her and Tina was radiant. This did nothing to quell the fire of my raging girl crush.

On the Red Carpet everyone kept saying oh! color! So much color! Honestly…not so much. Red, nude, black and a floaty pale blue. But whatever! Once again, the good fashion was good and the bad? So very bad…Helena Bonham Carter, I am looking at you. But what else is new?

Catherine Zeta Jones provided us with the first truly awkward moment of the night…with some sort of singing, let’s all remember I got an Oscar for a musical or something like that. It was odd. And not good. Although I am on board with pronouncing France FrAWnce, because that’s just good fun.

Adele won and showed everyone what genuine humble excitement looks like, Taylor Swift took notes… on how to kill Adele in her sleep. Girl was not pleased. I adore Adele. She’s a mum, I am a mum…she went to the Globes for a mum’s night out. How can I convince her we need to be besties and hang out?

My favorite non-Amy/Tina bit of the night was definitely Will Ferrell and Kristin Wiig. Why won’t she marry Will Forte? That would be the only woman I would be happy if my (imaginary) boyfriend married. Of course he won’t. He will pine for me all his life. Oh, MacGruber…

Second favorite, when Jodie Foster pretended to eat (what my husband thought was) a beaver and then gave a half rambling/ half utterly beautiful poingnant speech for the Lifetime Acheivement Award. It was total crazy town and total perfection.

I found myself yelling at the TV: won’t someone brush Jessica Chastain’s hair? Amy Poehler; now THOSE are some golden globes! Jennifer Lawrence your boobs are running away! Quick! After them! Lena Dunham, would it kill you to stand up straight?  Julia Roberts, would it kill you to stand up straight? Get off my lawn! When will George Clooney do a Cary Grant biopic? He’s heaven! Why am I not Tina Fey and Amy Poehler’s sister wife? Suck it Will Arnett!

But let’s get to the fashion, shall we? BTW I think next year they should hook the red carpet interviewers to lie detectors and show us on screen- “You look lovely!” Lie Detector says LIE! YOU LOOK LIKE IF MY GRANDMOTHER WAS A HOOKER!

So let’s start with some jealousy, okay? Claire Danes and Megan Fox one month postpartum.

I hate them. Like, a lot.

Guilliana…I’m not…I mean, I just…did she look Madam DeThenardier’s costume in Les Mis and think YES! Like that, but with a mermaid tail!

Is it a Rorschach test? I don’t know. I just, can’t.

Julianne Hough: a lot of people loved this, but I am pretty sure this is what her character in Rock Of Ages wore to get married.

All I know is I am singing some sort of weird Pachelbel Canon/Pat Benatar mash up.

Zooey…another year, the same dress. Different color. She’s so cutesy. I am not even posting a picture. You’ve seen it. It was red this time and she had pearls.

Baby, you’re a firework.

Her eyes are UP HERE! (don’t stare directly at it. It’s hypnotic….)

Kaley…Kaley. You’re so cute and pert and I am sure you are SICK of it…but Cinderella’s dress with Morticia’s make up is just not the way to go about showing your dark side.

Jessica Alba made me feel so shlumpy and frumpy that I was forced to eat a piece of cake. Well played, Alba, well played.

Hmmm. Twinsies? Kate wishes!

Either way, both of them are late for their shows on the Ledo Deck.

Fact: my grandmother had shelf paper in her bathroom that looked just like this:

Worst of the worst: Emily Mortimer.

Mayim Bialek.

Why must this lovely woman dress like a 90 year old woman? (ADDING: I wasn’t clear. Miyam is an observant Jew and prizes modesty, my issue with her dress is NOT how covered up she is! It’s that it is unflattering to her. You can be glamorous and modest at the same time. Simple elegance would flatter her so well. The comment about this dress being too old for her was about the fabric detail and the fit of it. Not the length of the skirt and sleeves.)

My best dressed?

Runner Up: Michelle Dockery

She beautifully balances the bold gold on the dress with simple hair and make up. It’s strong but doesn’t overpower her beauty.

Best of the best: Katherine McPhee


I know…a black dress. But WHAT a black dress! And man can she carry this off! The picture doesn’t do it justice. It was phenomenal. From her hair to her toes this is perfect. I am not a giant fan of the shoes…but honestly I only noticed them while typing this up. This…this is red carpet at it’s finest. This could be 1963, 1983, 2003, or 2023 and it would always be perfect.


And let’s end with this: Swift’s bitchface.

It never gets old.

 photos via