You know when you go through your husband’s phone?

Just me? I go through my husband’s iphone all the time. It’s not that I don’t trust him. It’s not that I am reading his emails or texts. I am not.
I am trolling through his pictures. And every once in a while I find one that, even unedited and not fancy just stops me. Like this one.

Tell me that sweet sad face doesn’t break your heart. Go on, tell me.



Name: Huckleberry Bear

Age: 4months.

crime: reckless non-sleepingness with intermittent nursing

If seen please cuddle immediately

REWARD FOR CUDDLING: tons of giggles and that awesome full body happy baby wiggle. It’s good for what ails ya.

It’s someones happy day!

If you ever meet a man (or woman, either one is cool with me.) and they really get you. If they can make you laugh harder than just about anyone other than say, your bestest girlfriends or at least just as hard as they can. If they can make you angrier than you have ever been in your entire life. Annoy you more than you ever thought possible and make you happier than you ever dreamed….then you should marry them.

I found that in Zach. Today is his birthday and I am incredibly grateful he was spawned lo those many years ago, because no one on this green earth makes me crazier, angrier, happier, feel more love and feel more loved. (except for our beautiful children of course!)

I love you crazy TOTT, even when you say “I can’t find it” when you haven’t even really looked and the item you’re looking for is exactly where I said it would be. I love you for making me laugh. For making me cry happy tears. I love you for allowing romance to grow from bringing me flowers to helping me shower after surgery and for thinking that even sore and stitched up that I am beautiful.I cannot possibly imagine being with anyone else (no not even my boyfriend Will Forte) You are my lobster.

Happy Birthday my  darling!

You know when your kid does something uber cute?

But refuses to do it for the camera? Yeah. That.
Bee walk

During a break in the crazy rain The Boss and I took Puppy Bear out for a walk. In his Bee costume. Or as he calls it “My busy bug coat” I die. Anyway, I took pictures of just about every step he took. It was too precious.

New walk

How sweet are these two?

a bee and his pup out for a walk.

But when it came time for The Boss to show off what his dad taught him…he messed with me. The little stinker!

Someday I’ll catch him doing the pledge the right way, cause trust me ‘indivisible’ will knock you dead with precious.


**full disclosure: i might have held up the busy bug coat and asked him if he wanted to wear it. Sue me. You would have done the same, right?

“I want you to get the kiss off”

So. Preschool.

Max first day of school

I had prepared The Boss well, he knew exactly what would happen. How the day would go and he was very excited about it. School. SCHOOL!  We woke early and he patiently allowed us to take about 300 pictures before we hopped in the car to go. He was very anxious and gleefully pointed out every school bus we saw along the way. That kid can spot a school bus a mile away. Literally.

I was glad to see so many other parents there taking pictures and fighting off tears. TOTT and I walked Max in, got him settled and then…

Max at school!

Then I walked away.

Max at work

And cried.

Not where Boss could see of course, but I did cry. I was surprised that every motherly instinct in my body was screaming


But I did. And he had so much fun. He was thrilled to see me when the day was over. And I was thrilled to see him.

you came back!

I couldn’t hug him tight enough. We came home, had lunch and rested.


Thursday was day two, would it go as well as day one?

“Mommy, we are going to school and you have to walk away and then I will play with the nice kids and when school is over you will come back”

boss day 2 of school

I guess so!

“Teacher is going to say to me *insert Boss’ full name here* do you want to play with some toys and I will say yes, teacher”

My heart!

He practically raced into the school, waiting impatiently for the classroom to be open. A parent told him they liked his Buzz Lightyear backpack and Boss informed them that Buzz was cool because he could fly. I asked if he could fly and he said “No mommy, I have legs!” So, there ya go. He kept saying I love my school over and over, it was so sweet! His teacher came out and told me how well he had done on his first day and I thanked her. I wanted to hug her and cry thank you for taking such good care of my baby! but I thought that might be a touch too much.

I kissed the palm of his hand, the way mumsy had mine, and told him if he needed a kiss during the day he could just take that one. He said emphatically I want you to get the kiss off. I suppose you really can’t play when you’re trying to keep a kiss in your hand. Teacher said “who wants to paint?” Boss raised his hand high and yelled ME! Taking off like a shot he was first in the room running straight to his chair. I called him back and made him give me a kiss goodbye, which he did happily and then raced back in the room. Unable to just walk away I followed him in and got him settled kissed his chubby cheek and left.

max day 2 paint

Wow. My kid continues to amaze me,and I continue to be amazed at how powerful the love I have for him is.This is the first step out of the nest for us. We did okay. Even if I did cry a little in my soy latte.

Friday Fabulousness~

I was having a bit of trouble with Fabulousness this week. It’s not that I was depressed or bummed out or anything…in fact everything is going really well! I’ve just had a case of the blahs.

{the Boss in his King Max pj’s and a Colonial hat. Cause that’s how he rolls}

But then I realized that just today I had a shopping date with my friend K and her little daughter E. The Boss loves him some E! While we were shopping The Boss picked out his Halloween Costume, which for real might kill me with cute! I figure this might be the last year that I can get away with uber cutsey costumes before he wants to be batman or buzz lightyear.

But for one more year he will be my squishy widdle baby.  I always dream of grand costumes and making them myself  but so far I’ve always found myself at Old Navy squeeling at the cute and bribing the Boss with fruit snacks to try them on. He did not need to be bribed this year, oh no, he took one look at the wall of costumes and declared his preference and then danced around in it for about a half an hour. When Ma got home tonight he put on for her and allowed himself to be ooohed and aaaahed over once again.

He is so generous like that.

Plus? When I went to pay for the costume it was on sale for ten bucks.

So, playdate with lovely friends and one more halloween of cute baby costume for the Boss…that is the Fabulous.

And so with that I leave my case of the blahs behind and notice that I’ve been smiling while writing this just remembering him dancing around in his costume. It’s one of those memories I want to burn in my brain forever and never forget….it was perfect. He is perfect!

I plan on taking a billion pictures of him.

What was fabulous in your life this week? I want to know! Link up, and let me know!

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Two. The Boss is two.

Today is The Boss’s birthday,  or as he calls it his ‘Happy Day’. I can’t believe it! He is TWO! My tiny, squeeky, baby is two and Sunday we had a lovely happy day for his Happy Day.

The Boss had a nightmare around 3 am which made me make the sad face x2000 because you should only have sweet dreams for your happy day. When I went into him he had big fat real tears running down his little chubby cheeks and he put the choker hold on my neck. After some snugs and some boo-ah-booing both sides he was back to dreamland and he finally called mommy open ah door! around 9 in the am.

Good morning, I am two now.


Headed down to the kitchen for some pre-breakfast and morning presents. Happy days are like X-mas round these parts. On X-mas morning you get your stockings first and on Happy Days you get Kitchen Table pressies first. I like to get the celebrating off asap.

Elmo and little presents.

Some celebratory finger painting. They made me handprint pictures…so cute!

After a snack, some coffee (just me and TOTT thankyouverymuch) we couldn’t wait any longer…we had planned on saving the BIG pressie till after brunch but TOTT and I were crazy excited and decided just to give it to him!

Is that for me?

Auntie Keek whipped up her famous caramel french toast and egg whites, goat cheese and tomatoes on baguette…delish!

And then back down to playroom for some more play the guitar mommy!

And then….well, then he just passed right out. The Boss who wakes if a fly sneezes a mile from where he rests slept through (my very first) severe thunderstom.

HOLY BUCKETS People! That shizz is scary!

We had planned on an afternoon at the splashground but The Birthday Boy slept until 4:30 and after the rain we decided to skip it, all he wanted to do was play guitar anyway! We had a snack and some toddler dance party before The Boss’ favorite dinner of veggie tacos!
Finally? What he had waited for all day. Guitar Cake. We had practiced singing the song and blowing out the candle, but as it turns out my little guy is a bit like Frankensteins Monster. The Boss no likey the flames. I think he has PTSD from Sean and Hallie’s wedding when a votive spilled on his wee hand. (Oh mah gah I wanted to KILL myself over that one.)

Some more presents and then…his first set of wheels. It was time. He’s two and you can’t keep em at home forever.
He saw it and cried out joyously a motorcycle! uhhhh TOTT? How does he know about motorcycles? Never fear, TOTT quickly corrected him and now he is calling it his Hog.


I hope his Happy Day was indeed happy. He is such a blessing to me I simply cannot imagine a cooler person on the planet than my kid. I’m sure you feel the same about yours. I love that he was surrounded by people who love him crazy style and his day was filled with things that he likes to do. It was definitely Max day round these parts.

But then, every day is Max day.

I love you baby. Happy second birthday.

{this is crazy rough. the power kept going off and on due to the storm I guess and TOTT put this together for me even during all of that! how sweet is he? A better B-day vid to come!}

The Randomness and The Swoon

Soooooo, Bachelor Jake and Mean Girl Vienna broke up. Apparently, he was cheating on her with another man. I mean, she- SHE was cheating on him with another man. Whatever it was, the demise of yet another Bachelor couple combined with Heidi filing for divorce from Spencer has totally shaken my belief in love.

I mean, if these totally normal, well adjusted kids can’t make it who can? I’m rocked to the core I tell you. I really thought Heidi was going to get domestically abused her Cinderella story ending.

And given sweet Vienna’s relationship history how could Jake not be her forever home? Just think of all the plastic surgery she could have gotten by cleaning out his ABC funded bank account! Certainly much more than the paltry boob job she got from her ex’s! Silly man, leaving his bank account unprotected while he was off serving our country.

If The Boss ends up believing that one of these reality shows is a good model for a relationship, I will feel I have failed as a parent. {totally pretending my stint on Change of Heart never occurred. Pretend with me, will you?}

I mean look at the swoon?

{photo by kate monroe }

SWOON! I want to wrap him up in a fluffy blue blanket of protection and not ever let anyone hurt him. Such is the bittersweet pang of mommy hood, non? We have to let them go when all we want to do is hold them close and freeze  these feelings forever. Dear God please let The Boss find a nice girl, a good girl {or boy…whatever- just good}, someone who will love and respect him and not cut him down.

Please let him find someone as wonderful as he is to love.


But not for a very, very, very, very, long time. He’s all mine right now!

The Christmas Spirit.

Things have been tough here at the American Dream and honestly? There isn’t a lot extra money for Christmas presents. I love Christmas, love it. But this year? Let’s just say I’ve been glad all my decorations are packed away.

No Christmas Spirit to be had in my heart this year.
Until today. See, along with the joy of blogland, I belong to one of those message boards, I have for years. And dare I say it, those women are exactly what Maya Angelou was talking about when she described PHENOMENAL.
They’ve been with me from the high of the highs, celebrating my debut on a Soap, putting my commercials on you tube, attending my wedding, coming to my baby shower. They’ve been with me through the low of the lows, moving, my husband loosing his job, the economy, losing my beloved Minky…everything.
They’ve always got a funny snarky comment, they tell it like it is, and I have always been honored to call them my friends. Yeah….we met on line, but they’ve become a part of my daily life. We’ve visited each others homes, attended weddings, baby showers and certainly had our fair share of destination get togethers.
They are good people.
Today Santa arrived in the form of many boxes from UPS. Some with familiar names and addresses. Some anonymous. Presents for Max, and one or two for me and Zach. But really, for Max. Because Christmas is truly about the innocence, the love and the belief of children right?
Baby Max will have lots of presents to open now!! And it’s not the presents, they are wonderful of course! But it truly is the thought. They know first hand how hard this year has been on me. On my marriage, on my self esteem and yes I admit it, my ego has been bruised this year too.
With a few presents they gave me more than they could have imagined. They gave me the Spirit of Christmas. They took the time to think of us, to think of Max. In this economy they spent their hard earned money to purchase and send these gifts. I am so, so humbled.
 If anyone says Santa doesn’t exist…well, they are just plain wrong.
Some of them put their return addresses but most just put SANTA on the return label. My heart is so full tonight. I’ve had Christmases where money was coming out of my ears and I spoiled everyone rotten. (I truly do love to buy and give the gifts more than I like to receive them. And I like to receive them, so that should tell you something!) This Christmas will go down in my memory as one of the best of my life. Because I was given more than just presents. I was given the gift of love, of charity, and of kindness.
I’ll never be able to convey how much these women and their families have touched my heart. Ever. I am not a good enough writer to come close, and I am certain this is truly bordering on cheesey as it is.
I can promise to pay it forward. I may not be able to repay them for what they have given me, but I promise to carry it in my heart all year and try, even if it’s just in a small way, to pass it along to someone else.
Merry Christmas to you all.