Fall, Winter, Spring, Summer. What’s your favorite season? Mine is, obviously, AWARD Season! And one the bestest in the westest was tonight, the Golden Globes. Amy Poehler. Tina Fey. Comedy Girlgasm. More of them, please! They brought it! And they brought the hotness. Funny, smart, hot. Amy’s burgundy dress was lovely on her and Tina was radiant. This did nothing to quell the fire of my raging girl crush.
On the Red Carpet everyone kept saying oh! color! So much color! Honestly…not so much. Red, nude, black and a floaty pale blue. But whatever! Once again, the good fashion was good and the bad? So very bad…Helena Bonham Carter, I am looking at you. But what else is new?
Catherine Zeta Jones provided us with the first truly awkward moment of the night…with some sort of singing, let’s all remember I got an Oscar for a musical or something like that. It was odd. And not good. Although I am on board with pronouncing France FrAWnce, because that’s just good fun.
Adele won and showed everyone what genuine humble excitement looks like, Taylor Swift took notes… on how to kill Adele in her sleep. Girl was not pleased. I adore Adele. She’s a mum, I am a mum…she went to the Globes for a mum’s night out. How can I convince her we need to be besties and hang out?
My favorite non-Amy/Tina bit of the night was definitely Will Ferrell and Kristin Wiig. Why won’t she marry Will Forte? That would be the only woman I would be happy if my (imaginary) boyfriend married. Of course he won’t. He will pine for me all his life. Oh, MacGruber…
Second favorite, when Jodie Foster pretended to eat (what my husband thought was) a beaver and then gave a half rambling/ half utterly beautiful poingnant speech for the Lifetime Acheivement Award. It was total crazy town and total perfection.
I found myself yelling at the TV: won’t someone brush Jessica Chastain’s hair? Amy Poehler; now THOSE are some golden globes! Jennifer Lawrence your boobs are running away! Quick! After them! Lena Dunham, would it kill you to stand up straight? Julia Roberts, would it kill you to stand up straight? Get off my lawn! When will George Clooney do a Cary Grant biopic? He’s heaven! Why am I not Tina Fey and Amy Poehler’s sister wife? Suck it Will Arnett!
But let’s get to the fashion, shall we? BTW I think next year they should hook the red carpet interviewers to lie detectors and show us on screen- “You look lovely!” Lie Detector says LIE! YOU LOOK LIKE IF MY GRANDMOTHER WAS A HOOKER!
So let’s start with some jealousy, okay? Claire Danes and Megan Fox one month postpartum.
I hate them. Like, a lot.
Guilliana…I’m not…I mean, I just…did she look Madam DeThenardier’s costume in Les Mis and think YES! Like that, but with a mermaid tail!
Is it a Rorschach test? I don’t know. I just, can’t.
Julianne Hough: a lot of people loved this, but I am pretty sure this is what her character in Rock Of Ages wore to get married.
All I know is I am singing some sort of weird Pachelbel Canon/Pat Benatar mash up.
Zooey…another year, the same dress. Different color. She’s so cutesy. I am not even posting a picture. You’ve seen it. It was red this time and she had pearls.
Baby, you’re a firework.
Her eyes are UP HERE! (don’t stare directly at it. It’s hypnotic….)
Kaley…Kaley. You’re so cute and pert and I am sure you are SICK of it…but Cinderella’s dress with Morticia’s make up is just not the way to go about showing your dark side.
Jessica Alba made me feel so shlumpy and frumpy that I was forced to eat a piece of cake. Well played, Alba, well played.
Hmmm. Twinsies? Kate wishes!
Either way, both of them are late for their shows on the Ledo Deck.
Fact: my grandmother had shelf paper in her bathroom that looked just like this:
Worst of the worst: Emily Mortimer.
Mayim Bialek.
Why must this lovely woman dress like a 90 year old woman? (ADDING: I wasn’t clear. Miyam is an observant Jew and prizes modesty, my issue with her dress is NOT how covered up she is! It’s that it is unflattering to her. You can be glamorous and modest at the same time. Simple elegance would flatter her so well. The comment about this dress being too old for her was about the fabric detail and the fit of it. Not the length of the skirt and sleeves.)
My best dressed?
Runner Up: Michelle Dockery
She beautifully balances the bold gold on the dress with simple hair and make up. It’s strong but doesn’t overpower her beauty.
Best of the best: Katherine McPhee
I know…a black dress. But WHAT a black dress! And man can she carry this off! The picture doesn’t do it justice. It was phenomenal. From her hair to her toes this is perfect. I am not a giant fan of the shoes…but honestly I only noticed them while typing this up. This…this is red carpet at it’s finest. This could be 1963, 1983, 2003, or 2023 and it would always be perfect.
And let’s end with this: Swift’s bitchface.
It never gets old.
Stephanie Says... 
Love it. I agree. except that McPhee’s toes really bother me in the last photo. So, I’ll just pretend they don’t exist.
This is fantastic. I didn’t even need to watch to have an opinion now. I love Alba’s dress and purse.
J-La Her breasts were in a cup, like flip cup for horny dudes.